My Black Dahlia
by JasperSAYSrelax128
Summary: When Edward left Bella in New Moon, she became a drug/cutting addict. She is sent to Rehab, but what if her doctor, who is supposed to help her get better, is the reason she's there? Will she except help from Edward?
1. Resistance is Black Agony

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own the song "My Black Dahlia".**

Summary:

When Edward left Bella in New Moon, she couldn't find a way to get rid of the pain. Now she has found ways to numb it. Bella becomes a drug/cutting addict. What happens when Charlie catches her, and sends her to Rehab, and Bella's doctor, who is supposed to help her get better, is also the reason she is in there?

**My Black Dahlia**

Chapter 1: Resistance is Black Agony

I walked into the old, beat up house that could easily pass as garbage. There were about 5 people inside.

"Hey, Danny....you got the joints?" I asked as I pulled the needles out of my bag.

"Yea." He coughed, throwing me a bag. The bag slipped from my grasp, falling to the floor. I guess I was still queasy from the blood loss of this morning's cutting. I picked up the bag and pulled the white sticks out and laid them across the table. I pulled the needles out and laid them out as well.

"Hey, man, did you—" Danny stopped talking as there was a large bang from outside.

"It's the police! Come out with your hands up!" I heard a yell from the other side of the door.

"Shit!" I yelled, and everyone in the room started running around. I grabbed my bag and darted out the back door of the house and into the night. I ran across the large field-of-a-backyard, towards the fence lining the forest. I heard the cops raiding the house and I heard their pursuit to catch everyone. I finally reached the fence, and jumped on it, making my way to climb over, when I was violently yanked from the fence, colliding with the cold ground. My face was planted in the filthy grass as I felt the cold handcuffs tighten against my wrist painfully. The cop pulled me off the ground and spun me around...

"Bella?"

_I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
You gave me, hate, see?  
It saved me and these tears are deadly.  
You feel that?  
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that._

**So I have been meaning to post this for a while. This was a story I wrote a while ago….**

**It's based on the song "My Black Dahlia" by Hollywood Undead.**


	2. These Black Hearts We Own

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own the songs or lyrics.**

Chapter 2: These Black Hearts We Own

I stared at the walls of the temporary cell I occupied. Every crack, every mark told a story. I heard footsteps travel down the hallway towards me. Then Charlie came into view.

He looked horrible. His eyes held a dead look, and a lot of pain. But honestly, I could care less. I just couldn't wait to get out of here so I could have my neck shot of heroine.

"Bella..." he sighed, "I'm giving you 2 options." He started, while I avoided eye contact and stared at the wall, "Either you stay here, and you go to jail for up to 7 years....or I bail you out, and you go to rehab." He said, and my eyes snapped over to his. Hell no. I am not going to a rehabilitation center to get better for something that is making me feel better.

"No." I said, and his whole expression turned to anger.

"Well then I'm not giving you a choice. You're going to rehab." He said.

"What the hell?! NO! You just said I had an _option_. I'm not going there!" I yelled.

"Bella, why won't you get better? For me?" he begged with sadness in his eyes.

"The only person I would want to get better for is gone." I said, and flinched at the memory. This was why I needed my drugs...so I could numb out the pain. It never made me feel better, it just made me feel nothing. So much better than the awful pain in my chest that....he left. The numbness has become my best friend. Like Novocain.

"What about for yourself?" Charlie said.

"That's why I am _doing_ this....is for _myself_. It makes me feel _better_. It's the only thing I have!"I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls of the cell.

"You're doing it the wrong way, Bella." He said quietly, but I said nothing. I just returned to trailing the cracks in the wall, distracting myself from the thoughts that were threatening to leak their way into my mind without my antidote.

_I've got a house in the back of my head  
but I can't find a permanent residence.  
'Cause the market is down  
and the area is not too good these days._

I was first handed the drug at a party. That was where I met Danny. He slipped me a needle and told me what to do. He told me it would make me feel better, take all of my pain away. And it did.

Danny was a light skinned, emo-looking boy. He had black hair that fell to his ears and constantly fell in his face. He was extremely gorgeous. We weren't dating but I guess you could say we were....friends with _benefits_. He was an amazing kisser, and could do things with his tongue you wouldn't think possible.

I guess you could say I look like shit. I am a lot skinnier than I use to be, as a result of the drugs making me not hungry all the time. There are hundreds of slices across both of my arms from where I cut on a daily basis, many times a day. Track marks litter my arm at the inside of my elbow, and my eyes are always bloodshot. My originally brown hair has been dyed to jet black.

But when I take the drugs, it makes everything better. Not good, but better. Cutting helps me remind myself that I at least have control over what happens to _me_, since I have no control over anything else in my life. Especially him. I hate him. I honestly do. He did this to me....this pain. He was the one that hurt me, he was the one that killed me....with his own knife. He carries my blood on his sleeve. Wherever the hell he is, I hope he's fucking happy.

I love to watch my blood drip down my arm, savoring in the pain, the smell....the moisture. Knowing this is what Edward always wanted. My blood. Now I let if freely fall. Too bad he isn't around to take it. The pain in my arm always takes my mind off of the pain in my chest, and for that, I am grateful.

That is the only explanation I can give for why I am here, sitting on this airplane, surrounded by police escorts. Of course, I had still refused to go to rehab, but Charlie has now forced me to. As the plane landed in Alaska, I couldn't help but think of ways to escape. This place wasn't for me, it was for people who need to get better, and stop their problem. I have no problem…the only problem I have, I am taking care of it myself. I don't need help.

So as we got out of the ambulance escort and approached the hospital doors, I did the first thing I could think of.

I fucking ran.

I ran away from the 3 police officers and towards the road. All I needed to do was get past that gate....suddenly, I was tackled to the ground. I landed on my arm and it hurt, but I didn't make a noise. The cops pulled me off of the ground, and I fought with them, trying to get away as they literally dragged me into the hospital. When they made it into the wing where the rehab was, I started screaming at them.

"LET ME FUCKING GO!!" I screamed, thrashing my arms and legs around. I kicked them, and tried to get away. I looked quickly around the room and saw Danny across the room, handcuffed, his face pressed against the wall. The police lifted me in the air as I kept trying to kick them. Suddenly, I heard a gasp, and I looked in front of me, and my whole demeanor fell.

"Bella?"

There, standing in front of me, was Edward.

_You feel bad? you feel sad?  
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!  
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.  
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.  
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!_

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	3. These Black Tears We Weep

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 3: These Black Tears We Weep

**Edward's POV:**

"Carlisle?" I asked as we walked into the hospital. I was starting as a doctor today….to get my mind off things.

"You're going to be starting in the rehabilitation center first, Edward." Carlisle said as he handed me my ID and some papers. I looked over the papers, and there were some new people coming in today, from...Forks? That was odd.

The thoughts of everyone flurried around me, and I tried to block them out, but one made way to the forefront of my mind.

_Damn, this girl is strong!_

It sounded like one of the new arrivals was putting up a fight outside. I groaned. This was not what I needed right now. The door flew open and in came a boy about 19, with black shaggy hair and he was wearing skinny jeans and a band T shirt. He was putting up a fight, and the cops held him against the wall and handcuffed him. I heard the other officers bring up someone else that was making a scene, and just then they burst through the door, with a girl screaming and hitting the officers, trying to get away. What I saw shocked me.

Bella.

"Bella?" I whispered, and she fell limp in the officer's hands, and he eyes raised to meet mine. First I saw pain....a pain so great I didn't think it was possible. Her hair was dyed jet black, she had black circles under her eyes, she was extremely skinny, and her beautiful brown eyes were bloodshot and dilated. But then, the pain turned to anger, hate. She started thrashing around again, screaming for them to let her go. The officers slammed her against the wall, and her face turned to the side and she stared at me with those hate-filled eyes as they handcuffed her.

I couldn't believe what I'd done.

Bella was in here....for a reason. She was on drugs, I could smell it in her veins. Because of me....I left her.

_Damn, Bella's in here. I was hoping she'd get away….well at least now I have her to look forward to._

The boy, named Danny, his thoughts leaked into my mind, along with some graphic images of Bella and him. I fought the urge to run over to him and throw him through the wall. How could Bella do that?! With....him?! It might only have been oral, but still. It was supposed to be me!

I guess I destroyed that when I left.

**Bella's POV:**

I stared at Edward, and I felt that hole in my chest threatening to open. No, it already did. The pain shot through me like my stomach had just fallen from a 60 story building, smashed on the pavement, sawed in half, stomped on by 6-year-olds, grinded to dust, and then fed the dust to sharks.

Yea, it hurt.

I quickly changed my expression to hate. _He_ did this to me. _He_ made me feel this way. _He_ left _me_. He-who-must-not-be-named! If I would have known he was just going to hurt me in the end I would wish I never would have met him.

I started thrashing around again, and I watched Edward's expression as they threw me against the wall and handcuffed me. They pulled me back and led me past Edward, and I didn't give him so much as another glance.

I couldn't risk more hurt.

I needed my drugs now more than ever. I felt like I was suffocating, being near him. He used to take my breath away, in a good way, but this was nothing similar. I felt like I was drowning under his presence, being held under the water. The surface was almost in my reach, I just needed to swim an inch more—but he pulled me down, and I was losing my air.

I was losing my Novocain.

The guards led me to a room where they asked me some questions on how I lived at home, and they searched me to make sure I didn't have any weapons or anything harmful, or drugs on me. After that, they showed me to my room. The room was filled with 2 beds, 2 dressers, and 2 lamps. There was a window on the far side of the room, and a bathroom. I took the bed closest to the door. I sat down, and just stared at the cracks in the wall.

Every crack tells a story.

_I wish I could I could have quit you.  
I wish I never missed you,  
And told you that I loved you, every time I touched you._

**Edward's POV:**

I silently walked into Bella's room, and saw her sitting on her bed, just staring at the wall. She was tracing the cracks in the wall.

I felt pain radiate through my body at seeing her like this. I could barely speak. I walked over to her bed and sat next to her. She cringed away from me, before she scooted as far away from me as she could. More pain shot through me like a knife. "Bella?" I whispered to her, but she didn't speak. She just stared at the floor. "Bella, please, look at me." I begged, but she made no movement. "Please talk to me? Bella?" still, nothing.

"Bella, I need to know what....drugs" I choked on the word drugs, "You're on. Anything you've used that wasn't prescribed to you." She stayed silent, avoiding eye contact with me. "Bella, please?" I begged.

"Heroine, Meth, Ecstasy, Cocaine, Crack, Marijuana, Pot, Novocain...." she whispered quietly. I was shocked and pained. This wasn't like her….Bella could never do this…

"Bella, this isn't you..." I spoke without realizing. Her eyes snapped over to mine.

"That's because I'm not me. You killed me, Edward. You had better get used to it, because I'm gone, and I have no plans to get off of drugs anytime soon." She said in a dead voice. I couldn't speak. My whole body was numb except for the pain…she was right. I did this to her. It was my fault. My fault that my family left her. My fault that I broke her heart. My fault she has resorted to drugs.

_It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.  
This strife it dies, this life and these lies._

I silently got up and walked out of the room. Once I was in the hallway I put my head against the wall. I let a sob escape my lips, and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Carlisle.

"Can you handle it?" he asked me.

"Yes. I want to help her." I said, composing myself.

"Well, she needs her blood taken...." Carlisle said. _Can you handle being around her blood?_ He thought.

I nodded, and walked back into Bella's room. She was just sitting on her bed, staring at the wall, not moving.

"Bella?" I asked, but she made no movement. "We need to take some blood." She snickered and got off of the bed.

"Take all you want." She said, narrowing her eyes at me. My heart wrenched at her words and the meaning behind them. "Bella..." I sighed, and lead her out of the room and over to a chair where a nurse sitting. Bella sat down, and the nurse started preparing the needle.

"Okay, hun, lift your sleeve up." she told Bella. Bella hesitated, but then lifted her sleeve up to her shoulder. I was surprised to see on her forearm she wore a long black glove stretching to her elbow. I watched and held my breath as the needle pierced her skin, but she didn't even flinch. I could feel my throat burning like crazy, but it didn't bother anything like it use to. No matter what, I could never hurt her. Too bad I already did.

She stared at the ground, but I could see her become paler than she already was. Her eyes started falling, and she didn't look good.

Then she fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Bella!" I yelled, running over to her. She was barely breathing. I pulled off the glove on her forearm to check her pulse, but what I saw shocked me.

"Oh my God, Bella!"

_How could you do this to me?  
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.  
I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up.  
Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!_


	4. My heart has holes and Black blood flows

**Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics/music. I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 4: My heart has holes and Black blood flows

"Oh my God, Bella!" I gasped as I saw the millions of slice marks all up and down her forearm. Bella had been hurting herself. She promised she wouldn't do anything reckless. Not only has she been killing herself with the drugs, but she has been directly hurting herself....making herself bleed. It tore me apart inside. Her blood was something I use to want—but seeing it fall like this, it killed me.

I picked her and brought her into a room while the nurse ran in after me. I shooed her off as I laid Bella on the bed, and Carlisle walked in.

"Carlisle—her arm." I choked out as he was checking her over. He picked up her arm and turned it over and he gasped.

_Oh my God...she..._

His thoughts overwhelmed my mind. He yanked her other sleeve down, and I gasped as we bore witness to more slashes. "What have I done, Carlisle?" I whispered in horror. I still couldn't take any of this in; it was too overwhelming. These past months have been excruciating. I stayed with my family for the first couple weeks, but all of their thoughts were agonizing...leading back to Bella in one way or another. Alice was a living statue, not energetic anymore, never shopping. She even wore pairs of clothes more than one day in a row. She was always sad that she had lost her sister. Rosalie's thoughts had taken a turn; she hadn't been thinking so much of herself anymore. Emmett was much like Alice, never joking around, never smiling or laughing. When a game was on, he's just stare at the TV with a blank expression. Jasper was always blaming it on himself; he'd constantly think of things to bring himself down, things that he blamed himself on for what happened that night of Bella's birthday. I cringed at that thought. Jasper had made a large effort since we left to being near humans. He didn't have trouble anymore, he wanted to get better for Bella. He thought he owed it to her. Esme had lost a daughter. Carlisle had lost a daughter.

I…I had lost a mate. A life. I couldn't function right, I was an empty shell as I huddled in a corner, attempting to hold myself together, and not give into the pain. I had told her I didn't love her—and she _believed_ me. _What did you expect when you told her that? You were trying to get her to let go of you._

_The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through.  
Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!  
How could you do this to me?  
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you._

Seeing her do this was torture. And to think I was the cause—me, I had done this to her.

Carlisle hooked up IVs to her and a heart monitor. I stared, remembering the last time I had seen her like that. I flinched at the memory. "She passed out from blood loss, and lack in strength. The...cutting..." he choked out the word, "Has been taking an effect on her amount of blood, and the nurse taking some…the drugs are preventing her from eating. She needs to rest." Carlisle walked towards the door, but stopped before opening it.

"Edward, are you sure you can handle this? It's going to be a long road...for both of you. She is going to be in pain both physical and emotional. She is going to be suffering. She will cry out to you and beg you to let her out. She's going to want more drugs…she's going to try any possible way to get some. She is going to continue to try and cut…her body will go through withdrawals, you will see her at her worst. You have to treat her like any other patient, Edward. If you need to get violent in restraining her, you must. She is going to beg you, and you must refuse. So I repeat, do you think you can handle this, Edward?"

"I...."

_I look alive, I'm dead inside,  
My heart has holes  
And black blood flows._

_We'll do some drugs,  
We'll fall in love,  
and get fucked up while the world just shrugs._

**I'm evil….it's alright. You can say it. Haha.**

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	5. The Black Knife Called Lust

**Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics/songs and I don't own Twilight.**

YOU BETTER REVIEW BOTH CHAPTERS NUGGETS!

Chapter 5: The Black Knife Called Lust

"I have to do this, Carlisle....for her." I said in a determined voice. I flinched as images flashed through Carlisle's mind of things he had witnessed in here. Kids screaming, fighting, hurting themselves, begging to get out, people trying to escape, people going through withdrawals...soon Bella's face was in place of those people, and I tried to block out the images.

"That won't happen, Carlisle—that's not how Bella is."

"Damn it, Edward! Are you listening to _anything_ I am saying? She has _changed_. She is different while she is addicted to these drugs! The drugs are all her mind thinks of. The drugs are all her body craves. She will be in pain without them, until she gets better. She is not sweet and innocent anymore, Edward. She will be a wreck. You need to be prepared. You can't roll over and play dead at her every whim while she is in here! Do you know how she ended up in here, Edward?" I stared at Bella's face as Carlisle ranted. "Charlie caught her at a deal. She ran from the cops. Charlie sent her here…to get better. If you interfere, Edward, I am going to have to take you off." He said, and I raised my head to look at him in shock. He couldn't take me off. I needed to be near her...I needed her.

Carlisle sighed, "Edward, I know you love her. You know the whole family does. But...she needs to get _better_. I'm not sure if she can do that if you are going to be discussing what...happened...with her. Her emotions are unstable, we don't know if it will make her better or worse. And if you give into her in any way she wants, nothing good will come of it....for anybody." He finished. I sat in silence for a moment, before I nodded my head weakly. I needed to do this for Bella, and if it hurt me in the process...so be it.

If seeing her like this hurt me, this is what needed to happen._ I_ was the one that caused this._ I _was the one that she was in here because. I needed to suffer the consequences of my actions. I needed to wait this out with her…be there for her. I needed to be strong for her and not break down. She needed me...and this time, I wasn't going to walk away.

I wasn't going to abandon her again.

_with no thought logically  
we're wandering the streets so aimlessly  
I hate to see these kids just being  
put down so painlessly_

_people say you dye your hair  
or wear tight jeans  
that doesn't mean that you can't scream  
And like loud noise  
you got a choice  
you have a voice  
And just because you show no love  
And hate on us  
you fucked our trust  
now watch me press this knife called lust  
into my chest until it busts_

**You had better love me for updating twice, home dogs. Seriously PLEASE REVIEW BOTH CHAPTERS!**

**Have respect for the author, please.**


	6. I Gave Myself Black Hurt

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the songs**

Chapter 6: I Gave Myself Black Hurt

**Bella's POV:**

I was in a better place....a happy place. How fucking cliché does that sound?! But it doesn't make it any less true. I knew I was unconscious, for these memories always showed in my dreams—where I wouldn't suffer from as much pain. Edward was there, and he loved me. He held me and told me that things would be alright....that he loved me. He whispered tiny things in my ear and I smiled. He stroked my cheek and told me he wanted me.

And I woke to thought of knowing that would never happen.

Was Edward even there? No, he wasn't. I knew it was a hallucination, that's why I was so calm. I would have freaked if he were really here. He would never come back to me, and if he were there he would just move away again. Ouch, that hurt. I slowly faded into consciousness and felt my body. The first thing I felt was the pain—good. Pain was familiar to me…it kept me grounded. It let me know I was still alive, that my body could still hurt despite the fact that I was numb inside. I welcomed the pain with open arms.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry, but after a moment my vision came into focus as I stared up at the plane white ceiling. All of the millions of tiny dots were scattered across the paneling, and I found myself just counting the dots. Maybe if I tried to sit still and count them I would forget where I was—in _rehab_. I sat there for sometime just silently staring at the ceiling, until a movement in my peripheral vision caught my eye, alerting there was someone else in the room. That was strange, they had sat so still for so long and not said anything while I just laid here. The only person I knew that could be so still—I shuddered.

I slowly turned my head to the side, but when I saw him I regretted it. There he stood, as motionless as a statue, across the room. He was here after all. He couldn't be here—how could he be here?! He didn't love me. He's probably just going to move again. He is probably only still here because he feels sorry for me. That's what he sees me as—a charity case.

Before I knew it, I found myself sitting up on the bed, hugging my legs to my chest, hyperventilating. My breathing was deep, but I couldn't seem to grasp the right amount of air. I hid my head in my knees as I trembled.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward said, running over to me. As he approached, I scrambled backwards on the bed in fear until my back hit the wall. He couldn't be here—he just _couldn't_. He froze in his steps with pain evident on his face. I stared at his outstretched hand with wide, fearful eyes. He slowly dropped his hand. "Bella?" he whispered quietly. I put my hands to my ears as his voice brought a new, fresh wave of pain rocking through my body. The pain started in my stomach and knotted at the thought of what I lost. Then the pain sky rocketed to my chest, and I felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife, and was slowly twisting the blade. "Bella, I'm here to help." He said slowly. I couldn't take it. I started screaming.

_I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
You gave me, hate, see?  
It saved me and these tears are deadly.  
You feel that?  
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that._

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed. Before I knew it, I was thrashing against the strong arms of men as they tried to sedate me. I felt the needle pierce my skin, and before I could even think another thought, I was out.

**Edward's POV:**

Bella was...afraid of me. The fear—the pain—on her face sliced through me life a knife. It reminded me of when I told her I didn't love her. She was _shaking_, and screaming. Is this how God meant for soul mates to be? Pain—utter fear of one? I guess I disrupted that when I tried to separate us. Bella had paid the price for that mistake. My pain was nothing compared to what she is suffering now.

_I was running in circles,  
I hurt myself,  
Just to find my purpose._

_Everything was so worthless,  
I didn't deserve this,  
But to me you were perfect._

I stared in shock as the men held her down and sedated her. Bella wasn't crazy—she didn't need to be held down by men and sedated, she didn't need to be locked up, she didn't need to be marked as dangerous. Carlisle's earlier words flashed through my mind.

_She is not sweet and innocent anymore, Edward. She will be a wreck._

I walked out of the room as they took Bella back to her room. I had to remind myself to hold it together as I walked down the hallway. The look on Bella's face flashed through my mind repeatedly, and I could basically see her holding up a sign saying "Hey, you see this? You did this to me". Ouch, that hurt.

_I see me writin on this paper.  
Prayin for some savior.  
Wishin to intake her and save her._

_In a world so, so godless so thoughtless,  
I don't know how we wrought this,  
All the love that you brought us._

I wasn't there to save her, but I'm going to change that. I'm going to prove my love to her, no matter how bad it hurts me if she rejects it. She has every right to, after all. I don't blame her if she hates me. Hell, I even hate me. I could only imagine how she feels...

_It feels like I'm killin myself.  
Just willin myself.  
Just to pray for some help._

_I'd give it all just to have, have your eternity.  
Cause it's all that assures me.  
It's worth all that hurts me._

When I tell her I lied...will she believe me? Or will she just scream at me? Will she believe me now that I am telling her the truth, and telling her that I lied? I was going to risk it. I was going to risk my worries and save her. She was all that matter. I needed her. I needed my Bella back.

_I'd give you my heart,  
And I'd let you just hold it.  
I'd give you my soul,  
But I already sold it._

_On that day,  
That day I walked away in September.  
I will always remember.  
I'll regret it forever._

Her face flashed through my mind again. The hate was evident, but what was most evident was fear. Once again I thought back to the day I left my whole purpose for living. Now that I look back on it, it seems so unbelievably idiotic. I knew there was no way I could go on forever without her—why did I even try? When I was away from her the only thing keeping me from killing myself was the thought that she there...out there somewhere living. Her whole existence changed my view on things. When I told her I didn't want her, I could see the pain breaking out inside her. I could see what shown in her eyes.

_I remember brown eyes,  
So sad and blue skies.  
Turned to darkness to night.  
I'm so sick of the fight._

_I won't breathe unless you breathe,  
Won't bleed unless you bleed.  
Won't be unless you be,  
'Till I'm gone and I can sleep._

I walked out of the hospital and got into my car and started the drive to the house. Part of my mind idly wondered why Alice didn't see this happening? Oh, that's right—I had told her to leave Bella's future alone. But surely she would have seen an encounter with her. Surely she would have seen Bella thrashing and screaming. Surely she would have seen Bella hurting herself.

Surely I was not alone in this.

Maybe I was? Maybe I am here to deal with my own mistakes....right. I won't make anyone else suffer for my problems. Bella has suffered enough for everyone. If only I could take her place…

I shut the Volvo door closed and walked into the huge house. The house was too large—too open. I didn't like it...there was no use for a huge empty house. The people inside it were empty enough.

_I was running in circles  
I hurt myself,  
Just to find my purpose._

As I entered the living room, everyone was sitting around the TV, just staring at it blankly. Now, how do you find the strength to tell your family that their own sister, your own purpose for living.....is killing herself. And it was all your fault.

_I've gone away,  
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).  
It's hard to say,  
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself)._

**So the song in this chapter, and the song that represents Edward's POV is "Circles" by Hollywood Undead. This song is perfect, even down to the brown eyes. The only thing I changed was where it says "I walked away in September" it originally said December.**


	7. The Black Wishes We Make

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the songs**

Chapter 7: The Black Wishes We Make

**Alice's POV:**

I stared at the TV blankly, not caring about it. TV was useless, what did it matter to life? Jasper's arm was around me. We were waiting for Edward to return from his first day working with Carlisle.

We've all been a wreck since we left Bella. Edward has had the worst of it though...that's why we suggested that he take up the job to get his mind off things…even if it were impossible. Just like leaving Bella was impossible. We all hated the decision Edward made to leave, and we all thought he was an idiot. But we knew the pain he was going through, and he didn't need us throwing things at him as well. Edward had just recently come back to us, and we had to beg him to stay. We all knew he couldn't take our thoughts.

Ever since we left none of us have been the same. I really don't shop anymore, I wear the same clothes more often. I don't see a point in shopping as much anymore. My sister was gone. I truly loved Bella as a sister.

Edward walked in the door, and he looked horrible. His irises were black and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked especially bad today. He walked in slowly and sat down on the chair next to me. Ever since Bella left he's been empty. I still can't believe he's trying to live without her.

Edward flinched at my thoughts.

_Edward, I'm sorry. I know you're doing this for her, and you feel horrible—_

"Alice, please stop." He said in a dead voice. We were all staring at him intently. He was hunched over in the chair and he had his head in his hands.

"What is it, Edward?" Jasper asked. I didn't bother searching the future to see what was happening, he'll tell us when he's ready. There was no point being ahead. Edward sighed, and was quiet for a while.

"Alice, I need you to tell me.........Bella's future." He said, breaking the silence. His head was still in his hands. We all exchanged shocked looks. This was the first time we've heard him say anything about Bella since we left, let alone that he wants to know her future. He told me to not look into it at all.

"I don't understand, Edward...."I said, looking at him in confusion. He still hadn't moved.

"Just look into her future. Anything." He said. I concentrated and my eyes glazed over. I thought of Bella, but the only thing that came up was static. Like when a TV just gets the black and white fuzzy picture.

"Edward....why can't I see Bella! What's going on?!" I yelled, worrying. Jasper rubbed my arm soothingly. Edward raised his head to look at me, and I stifled a gasp. His face held so much pain and fear, much more than I had ever seen. Even more than when we left.

"Alice, Bella is.....very sick." Edward said in a choked voice. It felt like my whole body had shut down. I could feel the fear and worry welling up inside me.

_Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello_

"What do you mean she is....sick?" I whispered quietly. I glanced at everyone else and they wore the same expressions.

"She's here....in Alaska..." Edward said, and happiness welled inside of everybody, "....in the hospital." he finished, and the happiness disappeared as quick as it came.

"Wait, why is she sick?! And why does she have to come all the way to Alaska for a hospital?" Emmett asked. Edward paused before answering, and he chose his words carefully. He sounded like he was going to break down crying any minute...if it were possible.

"She's here for a certain treatment." He said, looking at the ground.

"What _kind_ of treatment?" Jasper inquired. Edward raised his head again. We all stared at him, awaiting his answer, as if it were about to push us over the edge of a cliff.

"Drug treatment." He whispered.

And we fell over the edge. Everyone gasped. I clenched my teeth and my fists in anger. I didn't need Jasper to tell me that everyone felt a mixture of anger, shock, and pain.

_If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry_

"She's also been....cutting."

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday_

That was it. I jumped up from the couch and lunged at Edward, flailing my fists around. Edward didn't fight back, but Jasper restrained me by the waist.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, EDWARD!" I screamed in sobs, "If you would have listened to me, none of this would have happened! No one would be hurt! But you didn't! Not only did you not listen to me, YOU caused this!"

"Alice, that's not fair." Jasper told me calmly.

"BULLSHIT! TELL THEM, EDWARD! TELL THEM WHAT YOU TOLD HER! TELL THEM WHAT YOU SAID IN THE FOREST!" I screamed and sobbed. Edward didn't know I knew, he told me not to watch. But I didn't listen and did anyways. It tore me to pieces when I saw what he had done. Edward didn't say anything. "He told her….he didn't love her." I said, and everyone was shocked. I looked at Emmett and he had a lot of pain on his face. He missed his sister.

"He told her he didn't want her." I finished, and everyone was silent.

"How could you do that, Edward?" Emmett whispered.

"She wouldn't let me go. She wouldn't listen!" he yelled, and ending with a sob. He was silent for some more time, before he finally spoke again. "She wouldn't talk to me when she saw me, and then when they were taking her blood, she passed out. I—I pulled her sleeve off, and her arm was covered in millions of cuts. I—" he let out some sobs as he collapsed into a chair. Jasper put a comforting hand on his shoulder, although I knew Jasper was as much pained by this as me. Jasper blamed himself for what happened. "When she woke up, she was afraid of me, Alice. She was afraid! She was shaking, and trying to get away from me! And she was screaming! They had to—they had to sedate her!" I fell to the floor, my sobs breaking loose. Bella is now going through something similar to what I had to, and it's all our faults.

I wasn't sure how long Edward and I just sat there, sobbing. But finally, Rose talked for the first time.

"What are you going to do?" she asked Edward. He took a deep breath before he answered.

"I'm going to save her. I am going to help her get better."

"But what if it only makes it worse, Edward? Then what? You said she was afraid..."

"Rose, I have to try."

"Hey, what if Jasper went in and calmed her?" Emmett pitched in. Edward shook his head.

"No, she has to get better on her own. She can't have Jasper the walking chill pill follow her around the rest of her life." Edward said, and Jasper punched him in the arm.

"Well, what if Jasper got a job as the psychiatrist? You know, they have those group things." Emmett threw in again.

"No, she already has to deal with me, she needs a separate person from that. One she can open up to right now."

"Why can't I see her future?!" I asked. Edward was looking off into space.

"I'm not sure....it could have something to do with the drugs. The drugs could be keeping her from making any decisions."

"Can we see her?" I whispered. Edward looked at me.

"I'm not sure, Alice. Not yet." He said. I sighed.

"I miss my sister."

_If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry_

**Sorry I have to break it off there. I'm already working on next chapter. Oh, the song in this chapter is a little complicated. It's "Hello" by Evanescence, (I thought it was good for Alice and Bella) here is the meaning:**

It's about how Amy Lee was feeling when her sister, Bonnie died.

_Playground school bell rings again  
rain clouds come to play again_

That's about everything going on around her that used to go on when she wasn't feeling her pain.  
_  
has no one told you she's not breathing?  
hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
hello_

that's when Amy got the news that her sister was indeed unfortunately dead and her conscience is talking to her to try and calm her down.

_if I smile and don't believe  
soon I know I'll wake from this dream _

that means that she doesn't believe it at first but then realizes it to be the truth.

**I liked this song for it because Bella basically is dying.**


	8. Black Paper Thin Hymns

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 8: Black Paper Thin Hymns

Once again, I was dreaming of him. Except this time, it wasn't what I would call a dream.

It was a living nightmare.

I call it living, because it was what happened. I call it living, because I was still living it. I call it living, because I was drowning in it...

"_You Promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"_

"_As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

"_No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me—somehow still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"_

_He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder—like the liquid gold had frozen solid._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

_There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent._

"_You....don't....want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

"_No."_

"_You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him._

I sat up in my bed, a loud scream penetrating my throat. My body trembled, and a thick layer of sweat glistened across my pale skin. I wasn't good enough for him. I never was, never will be. Was I just a science experiment? "Hey, let's see what kind of stupid human will fall for us, so we can break her heart!" of course it was. I was a fucking charity-case.

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
Still can't find what keeps me here  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
I know you're still there_

No matter how hard I try, I always end up back in the same spot. Missing Edward. Wanting Edward. Crying over Edward. He is still here. The worst part is knowing he never felt the same. He only used me—for what, I don't know.

What was going to happen? Edward was...my _doctor_. I don't think I can handle that..._him._ He said he wants to help, he can't. Nothing can help me now. The only thing that could wasn't an option, because there was no possible way it would happen. I've cried, I've screamed, I've bled, I've hurt myself and the people around me, I've done everything—at least I had finally found a way to help my problems, and Edward wants to _take it away?_

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you -  
50 thousand tears I've cried.  
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -  
And you still won't hear me._

I found myself back to my previous position from the day before, my knees pulled to my chest, my arms around my legs, staring at the ceiling. I tried to empty out my thoughts as I sat there more an immeasurable amount of time, not moving, not thinking, just watching the ceiling. If I emptied my thoughts and my awareness of my surroundings, I found that I could imagine I was somewhere else—anywhere else. I counted the millions of little holes in the ceiling.

_Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.  
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

I'm dying again

It had been 4 days since I'd had any drugs. That deal was supposed to help me. I could feel my body dragging on, retaliating, begging for its reward. Its Novocain.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

I didn't move, I just stayed still, not paying any attention to the person.

"Bella, we need to check your heart rate and take your height and weight." His velvet-like voice echoed softly through my room. My entire body stiffened, and I remained in my position. I heard him sigh, a deep, shaky breath, and come closer.

"Bella, please." He said, touching my arm. I visibly and emotionally cringed away from his touch, jumping off the bed and moving to the other side of the small room. I saw his face break into a heart wrenching expression. Why should he feel sad? He did this! It was his fault!

_You feel that?  
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.  
You feel bad? You feel sad?  
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!  
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife._

I composed my face into a blank mask, and walked towards the door. Edward followed behind as I walked slowly to the chair I had sat in yesterday, and he sat in front of me. He slipped the band on my arm, and I cringed as his skin brushed against mine.

But it wasn't because of the cold.

With every touch, I felt a memory flood back to me. The moment in the meadow flashed through my mind; Edward throwing rainbows in the sun, tracing the patterns on his skin, the veins on his arms. Edward telling me he loved me.

I cringed as emotions of loss and longing burned through me. My breathing started coming in short gasps as the hole in my chest started ripping apart at the seams, feeling like someone stuck a bomb in my stomach. I flinched, and withdrew my mind from those memories.

"Bella? Calm down. It's alright." Edward whispered worriedly, although trying to stay professional in front of the workers. His tone sounded like it use to, the loving, worried tone. It calmed part of my mind, but the other part, the rational thinking, just went wilder.

I attempted to withdraw my emotions into my numb state, like I did when I shut down. Then, my sharp gasps for air turned into coughing. I felt my lungs burn and throat ache as I was thrown into a coughing fit. After a while I calmed down, although Edward didn't seem so comfortable. I composed myself into the empty mask, so I was like an empty shell as Edward finished taking my heart rate. His face was distorted with some unknown emotion I couldn't place.

Then he took my height, and then I stepped on the scale to be weighed. The scale read 96 pounds. I wasn't sure if I thought that was good or bad. My mind was telling me I liked to be that skinny, but my body was telling me otherwise. I was split down the middle. It seemed I always was. I sighed as I stepped off of the scale and back towards the hallway, where other kids were running around. I spotted Danny, and made my way over to him, just when a lady called "Let's go to breakfast."

**Edward's POV:**

I walked into the large hospital and to the rehabilitation center, thoughts of Bella still passing through my head.

Would Bella come back to me? Would she _want_ to come back to me? After all, I did this to her. I told her I didn't want her, I broke her heart. Her expression that day was horrifying. She was now, not only (probably) mad at me, but as well as _afraid_ of me. I didn't exactly know what I was getting into, but I knew I wasn't going to stand by and let her die. She was in here, dying.

_When your only friends are hotel rooms  
Hands are distant lullabies  
If I could turn around I would tonight_

I knocked on her door, alerting her that I was coming in. There was no sound what-so-ever on the other side of the door, even with my hearing. I could faintly hear her shallow breathing and her heartbeat. That was all that kept me aware of her presence. I silently opened the door, and what I found, once again, tore me to pieces.

"Bella?" I called, but she didn't move. She sat so still on her bed, you would think she were a vampire. She cradled herself and stared at the ceiling, but when I spoke, I noticed her stiffen. "We need to check your heart rate and take your height and weight."

She made no movement, but sat in silence. I sighed a deep, shaky breath, and walked towards her.

"Bella, please." I said, touching her arm. She visibly cringed away from my touch, jumping off the bed and moving to the other side of the small room. Before I could hide it, my face contorted into a mask of pain, and my heart felt like it was being ripped to shreds.

_These roads never seemed so long  
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone  
Will daybreak ever come?_

She composed her face into a blank mask, and walked towards the door. I followed behind as she walked slowly to the chair she had sat in yesterday, and I sat in front of her. I slipped the band on her arm, and she cringed as my skin brushed against hers.

And I knew it wasn't because of the cold.

I felt the dagger in my heart penetrate further, and slowly twisting in odd angles. I wanted to scream out at the emotional pain I felt, but I was unable to.

Bella cringed and millions of emotions played across her face quickly. Her breathing started coming in short gasps and her small frame started trembling. I could see sweat starting to dew on her forehead, and her face was distorted in so much pain. That's how I felt on the inside while I watch my love here, dying.

"Bella? Calm down. It's alright." I whispered worriedly, although trying to stay professional in front of the workers. Her breathing got sharper and wilder.

Then, her sharp gasps for air turned into coughing. Her entire frame was shaking as she was thrown into a coughing fit. She sat there for minutes just coughing, and I wanted so bad to take her in my arms and help her, make it go away. But she was afraid of my touch, so I couldn't do anything. I sat there, useless, while my love was in pain. After a while she calmed down, although I was still worried. But what happened next was what nearly pushed me over the edge; she sent one quick glance towards me, and then composed herself into a blank mask. She looked like a statue on exhibit, displaying no emotions. She looked dead. She looked like she was dying.

_Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?  
Who's gonna drive you home?  
I just want one more chance  
To put my arms in fragile hands_

I thought you said forever  
Over and over  
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

Then I took her height, and then she stepped on the scale to be weighed. The scale read 96 pounds. I silently gasped at her weight. She was so thin, she hadn't been eating. I looked at her expression, which was still the blank mask, but had a hint of thoughtfulness to it. She sighed and stepped off of the scale and walked back towards the others.

_These thoughts run through my head  
Over and over  
Complaints of violins become my only friends_

I sat in a chair, threatening to break down, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

**REVIEW! This was difficult…so please, review!**

**The song is called "Paper Thin Hymn" by Anberlin. PLEASE CHECK OUT THE MUSIC VIDEO! It is the saddest, most sweetest, touching video I have ever seen in my life. I cry every time….**


	9. These Black Apologies We Write

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 9: These Black Apologies We Write

**Edward's POV:**

_I sat in a chair, threatening to break down, when I felt a calming hand on my shoulder._

I looked up at the person, and was shocked to see Jasper.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Alice..." he said, and I nodded.

"Has she seen anything of Bella yet?" I asked, standing up. He sighed.

"She gets small glimpses, but it's not until it's happening, because she doesn't make up her mind until she finds herself doing it. It's like she's on auto-pilot." So now she can't even make any decisions for herself, because of what I've done?

Ouch. Another blow.

"Where is she? Can I....see her?" Jasper whispered hesitantly. I could see through his mind the events of the night he tried to attack her, on her birthday. I flinched at the memory. Put downs ran through his head, he kept telling himself that everything was his fault, and of course she wouldn't want to see him.

"Jasper, stop thinking that. It's not your fault." I said, looking him in the eye, trying to get it through that thick, military skull of his that it wasn't his fault, "You can see her, but you have to sign in as a visitor. Right now they're eating breakfast....you can see her after that, right before class." He nodded, and I turned around, and headed towards the cafeteria to check on Bella.

**Bella's POV:**

I walked next to Danny as we made our way down to the cafeteria. My eyes scanned over the different patients, and the various exits—or I like to call them, escapes.

Danny was in front of me as he grabbed a tray and started putting food on it. I got a tray as well and grabbed the first things my hand touched. It wasn't like I was going to eat it anyway. Danny pulled me over to the table everyone was sitting at. I sat down next to him with my tray, and just sat there, while Danny whispered things in my ear.

"We can ask someone from the outside to bring something in. Can you get a hold of anyone?" he whispered quietly, directly into my ear. "How about that one guy....Jacob?"

"he doesn't do that shit." I whispered back, not even moving my lips.

"Well, ask him, babe." He said, and started eating again. I just stared down at the food in front of me, my stomach clenching. My stomach felt sick, like I wasn't going to hurl any minute....but there was nothing in my stomach. My eyes were dry and burning, and my body and reflexes were a lot slower than usual. I felt jittery—like, any minute, someone could pop up behind me, and I'd jump up, screaming.

I heard a screech of a chair beside me, and I jumped, almost falling out of my seat. Danny steadied me from my other side.

"Sorry," a musical voice said from my left. My whole body went rigid, frozen. Like every other time, his voice sent sharp pain through my stomach and chest, and a memory flooded back.

"_You are my life now."_

Yea, right. You wouldn't just up and leave, leaving your life, your loved one, behind. If I was ever even that. Lie.

Ouch. Another blow.

_When we first met  
I never felt something so strong  
You were like my lover  
And my best friend  
All wrapped into one  
With a ribbon on it_

"Bella, aren't you going to eat?" he asked. I didn't move, I didn't speak.

"No, she never eats." Danny said under his breath, not knowing Edward could hear him perfectly.

"Bella, why don't you ever eat?" he whispered to me in a strained voice.

If I were to tell the truth, it was because of him. He's not to blame for it, but I thought, maybe, even if he didn't want me, I might be able to become as skinny as a vampire—like Rosalie. Gorgeous, glamour girl, Rosalie. She was meant to be with Edward from the beginning. Maybe he's finally realized that.

_And all of a sudden  
you went and left  
I didn't know how to follow  
It's like a shock  
That spun me around  
And now my heart's dead  
I feel so empty and hollow_

Maybe he's found some other gorgeous, vampire, girl that he could give all of his love to, without having to hold back. Without having to worry about wanting to kill her every second of every minute of every hour of every God damn day. Wow, that must be nice.

_And I'll never give myself to another  
The way I gave it to you  
Don't even recognize  
The ways you hurt me  
Do you?  
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back  
And you're the one to blame_

"Bella, please eat. Please?" he begged in a whisper, close to my ear. I cringed away from the emotional pain that seemed to feel physical, as it sent icy splinters across my skin. "Bella..." his voice was broken, strained, stressed, pained. Pained because he had to watch me go through this, where he'd rather be off with his gorgeous girl.

_Damn,  
Ain't it crazy  
When you're loveswept  
You'll do anything  
For the one you love  
'Cause anytime  
That you needed me  
I'd be there_

"Why don't you just leave?" I whispered before I knew what I was saying. It was so quiet, you would have to be a vampire to hear.

"Bella, I care about you—"

"No. No, you don't." it felt like I was on auto-pilot.

"Yes, Bella, I do. Please eat." He whispered back.

"No."

"Bella, you're dying. You need to eat."

_Baby you're my disease  
I gotta check into rehab  
'Cause baby you're my disease_

"Good." I said, standing up, and walking with the other patients back to the rehab center. When we got there, I walked into my room while everyone was preparing for a "class". I slammed the door and laid down on the bed, returning to counting the tiny holes in the ceiling, trying to erase the morning's events from my mind completely.

That was, until there was a knock at the door.

"Isabella? You have a visitor." A lady said, opening the door. My body froze in confusion—who would want to visit me in here? The only one willing would be Danny, that is, if _he_ wasn't in here, himself.

The lady stepped aside, and in walked the second to last person in the world I wanted to see.

Jasper Hale.

First I was hit with fear. No, not fear because he almost killed me—I would welcome him to do that with open arms—no, because the last time he was near me, he caused something I didn't want to happen. He was the reason Edward left me....right?

"Bella?" he said quietly, as he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. "How are you?" he asked lightly. I took in his stiff posture, and hesitant attitude, and added up that he was having trouble with my blood. Well, no one told him to come in here. Why was he here anyways? He never spoke to me before. He never wanted to be near me—So if he didn't want to be near me, that could only mean he didn't like me. So, if he didn't like me, why was he here? To make fun of me? To see how the poor, suffering, human was doing? Maybe he was here to eat me. I mentally cracked a smile at that.

I leaned forward when I answered, "I've been...better." I said, thinking back to when I felt numb, the buzz I felt right after I took the drugs. Then I thought back to when the Cullens were still here, when they were still with me, when they loved and accepted me. When I was part of the family. I flinched.

Jasper had attacked me that evening. I couldn't care less about that. So, if I didn't care that he attacked me, could I forgive him? After all, it was Edward who had hurt me.

"Bella, don't think that. We still love you." He said, and I snapped.

"How the hell do you know what I am thinking? You don't know anything that I have been through! You don't love me! Is _love_ attacking your own sister, wanting to kill her?! Is _love_, breaking her heart, and moving away, without even saying goodbye?! Is _love_ taking away her family, a life she wanted?! IS _LOVE_, LEAVING HER TO BLEED ON THE FOREST FLOOR!?! IS IT, JASPER!!" his face was pained, and hear wrenching. He flinched back at the venom in my voice as I screamed at him.

"Bella, I just wanted to apologize for that night—"

"APPOLOGIZE!?! YOU WANT TO FUCKING APPOLOGIZE?! YOU KNOW, JASPER, THE WORST PART OF IT WASN'T THAT YOU ATTACKED ME. THE WORST PART WASN'T THAT MY BIRTHDAY WAS RUINED. THE WORST FUCKING HEART BREAKING PART, IS THAT WHAT YOU DID.....WHAT YOU CAUSED….GAVE ME SOMETHING WORSE THAN DEATH! NOW I AM LIVING DEATH! A NEW TERM TO WHAT YOU ARE! I...HAVE _NOTHING!!" _I could see the pain that my words were causing him, and I knew it hurt. But these words were nothing to actually living it. And if taking these words measured up to even an ounce of the pain I felt, he needed it. He needed to know what chain reaction he caused.

"Because of you, I feel nothing." I finished. Jasper was silent, as he slowly walked to the door, and opened it, with one last backward glance, he whispered,

"I love you, Bella."

And with that, Jasper walked out the door, and once again, out of my life.

**REVIEW! I'm crying so much, because I love Jasper. But it will get better, I promise! Sobberz!**


	10. Black Thoughts ReCircling

**I forgot to mention, last chapter the song I used was "Rehab" by Rihanna. This chapter might be a bit confusing, but it's about Bella develops a Split-Personality Disorder. Sorry these chapters aren't that long, it's just so hard to write in Edward's POV.**

Chapter 10: Black Thoughts Re-Circling

What had I just _done?_

_Forget him. You don't need him._

But what if I did? Jasper was family.

_Keyword: was._

He wanted to apologize.

_Nothing in the world he could do could help you._

Why am I thinking these thoughts? I wouldn't think these thoughts.

_Because Bella is no longer here._

Who is this?

_Why, this is Anna, of course._

But I am Bella.

_No, not anymore. Now you are Anna…do anything and take anything she wants._

What do we want?

_We want…drugs. Our Novocain. Get it. Take it. Swim in it._

"Isabella! We're starting class!" a lady called from the other side of the door. I sighed and got up from my bed, and walked out of the room into another, where there were a bunch of chairs set around in a circle. I silently walked over to where Danny was sitting, and sat down next to him. He put his arm around the back of my chair as the lady started talking.

"So we are all here to achieve one thing: getting better. You all have a problem, and you're here to fix it."

_We don't have a problem,_ Anna growled from inside my head.

"So we're going to go around in a circle, introduce yourselves, and if you are ready, tell us how you feel."

So everyone did what she said, going around in a circle, saying their name, and they also told us about how they felt and wanted to get over their problems. Anna thought that was stupid. We rolled our eyes at that.

When it came to Danny, his only response was "I'm Danny," then it was my turn. The only thing I said was, "Anna," Anna laughed inside my head.

"Your name is Isabella," the lady said to me, giving me a confused look.

"Not anymore. Bella's gone." I said, narrowing my eyes at her. She looked at me fearfully. Good. Anna liked that. The rest of the group continued, but there was a knock at the door. The door opened, and he walked in. Emotions welled up inside me at looking at him, and I felt my touch exterior failing as I took in his stressed appearance. The barrier around my emotions was breaking as I looked at the pain that was evident in his eyes.

_No! You can't let him affect you! He doesn't deserve the ability to affect you! _Anna roared from inside my head, and just like that, the tough exterior was back, and the huge wall was once again built around my mind, protecting it from hurt. Bella disappeared and Anna shone through.

"Excuse me? Can I please have Isabella?" he said to the lady.

_You can't have any part of us_, Anna sneered from inside my head.

"Yes," the lady said, and looked at me, motioning for me to go with him. My eyes narrowed at her, and I glared hastily. She flinched back and I let out a laugh, getting up and walking to Edward, who led me out of the room.

"Bella, what's going on?" he said to me. "Who's Anna?"

"I'm Anna."

"No, you're not. You're Bella."

"No, Bella's gone. There is no more Bella. It's only us now."

"Who is 'us'?"

"Anna and I." I said, and walked off to my room, leaving Edward with a pained and confused expression on his face. When I was in my room, I slammed the door shut, and was immediately hit with a million emotions. My barrier broke down completely, as the tears sprang from my eyes.

Hello? Anna?

Silence.

Anna was gone now, and Bella was here, tearing at the insides. I let out a small scream, and broke down. I sat on my bed, thinking of the things that had just happened. My body felt like it was in physical pain, the emotion hurt so bad. I knew what I had to do.

I looked at my long nails, and took my pinky in my other hand. I ripped at the nail and lifted it up, creating a sharp, jagged, line. Sharp. I took the nail to my arm and pressed hard as I slowly dragged it across the skin on my forearm.

**Edward's POV:**

After Bella walked off, I was left in confusion. Who was this Anna she spoke of? She said it was her, her and Anna....could she have developed a split personality disorder?

_Boy meets girl  
Girl likes boy  
It was your typical story  
But I was hard to get  
I made you wait  
And you kept your eye on the prize  
And it paid off_

I groaned and sat down as a new flash of pain slice through me. I flipped through the papers on the clipboard, looking at all of her recent doctor reports. That was when I was hit with the sweet scent of her blood.

_'Cause we found love  
And everything fit  
Like a glove  
Perfect  
Or so it seemed  
To be to me_

It hit me like a truck. My throat burned like a wildfire, and the monster inside my head raged. I got to my feet and took off at as fast a human pace as I could towards her room, but not under the command of the monster in my mind. I ran to Bella for a different reason.

Some might say it cliché to call it love.

But as I reached her door, I couldn't think of anything except the fact that Bella was hurting. Bella was in pain. Bella needed me, whether she knew it or not. And as I swung the door open, I was absolutely mortified.

Bella was in the middle of cutting her wrists, using her finger nail.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, as I saw blood dripping down her arm. Yes, dripping. Not faint traces, dripping. The one thing I have worked so hard to save, and she lets it fall freely. How could she do this?

_She's got this journal filled  
With all her black ink guilt  
And love is the only thing keeping her alive  
She's got her mind made up  
That all she needs is love  
Her heart is the only thing helping her decide  
To breathe again, to breathe again_

I shut the door, and ran over to her as fast as I could, and grabbed her arm, restraining her. She looked up at me with hate-filled eyes, narrowing her beautiful brown eyes into a glare. I reach over and grabbed a towel from the night stand and reached out to hold it to her arm. She tore her arm away from my grip. I was utterly speechless.

"Bella, you need to put this on your arm." I said in a stern voice, "You're bleeding."

"I don't care. I don't want to stop bleeding. I don't want anything to do with this blood. Edward, you want it so much, take it! The one thing you've always wanted! Take it!" she shrieked, shoving her bleeding arm in my face. I held my breath and took her arm in my hand again, but she tore it away. Again.

"IF YOU'RE SO TIRED OF TRYING TO BE HUMAN, EDWARD, TAKE IT! THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE! YOU WON'T BE IN PAIN! THAT WAY I'LL BE GONE FOREVER, AND WON'T BOTHER YOU! I DON'T WANT IT, EDWARD! THE ONE THING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED, HERE IT IS!!" she screamed. I could hear the thoughts of people outside, wondering what was going on. I quickly grabbed her arm in my hand again, and wrapped the towel around her around, cleaning up the blood. Her face softened momentarily, until the hard edge to it came back, and the warm brown pools in her eyes seemed to harden.

"You took everything from me! You've taken it all! I've finally found a cure to this pain....I've finally found a cure to _you_, and you come and take that too! You just keep coming back! It's like you're torturing me, the one thing I want more than anything in the world is being dangled in front of me, but I can't have it! Just kill me! Kill me, please! Take away my pain!"

My arm fell from hers as though she'd shocked me. She begged me to kill her. My love, my life, was begging me to kill her. Sobs broke free from her throat, and she cried an endless storm of tears. I felt a pain so great, it was nothing. I felt—like I was dead. For the first time in over 100 years, I felt like I was dying—I never thought a pain greater than that of being changed, but here it was, presenting itself to me in the form of the one I loved.

_And when she's tired she doesn't sleep  
A week since I've seen her eat  
She's skin and bones, she's beautiful  
No matter what  
I wish I could help her see  
She means the world to me  
But the world, it doesn't mean much to her_

She wanted the monster I had worked so hard to lock up, to get rid of, to kill her. To end her life. To take her away from me forever, leaving nothing but the stains of her cold blood on my hands. Was there no God to end this pain I felt?

And, what's worse—she wanted to die because of the pain she felt, because of me. She wanted a cure to _me_. The pain I caused her, made her want to die. My very presence made her want to end her life. I felt like I was on the list of America's Most Hated, except, you actually cared what America felt towards you. It was your lifeline.

What would you do if your lifeline didn't want you?

**Bella' POV:**

"Bella, I lov—" he started, but I cut him off.

"Save it!" I yelled, tearing away from him. I sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard, with my legs crossed. I bent over and put my head in between my legs, hiding completely.

_I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
You gave me, hate, see?  
It saved me and these tears are deadly._

Why doesn't he kill me? Why doesn't he just save me the pain? He's killing me anyways. What he did to me killed me. Why not finish the job? Anna was growling from inside my head. She hated his very presence.

There was a knock at the door, interrupting the tense silence. "Isabella? You have a visitor." A lady called, and I looked up, and noticed Edward stiffen. Then, he swiftly left the room. The lady left the door open, and a couple minutes later, Jacob walked in the room.

"Jacob?" I asked, confused.

"Hey, Bells." He said, running a hand through his short hair. Ever since his transformation he's kept it short. Then, he stiffened. "There's been a bloodsucker in here." he snarled, running around the room.

"Yea, Dr. Cullen works here." I said, avoiding which Dr. Cullen. "What are you doing here?" I sneered. The last time I talked to him, he told me off for using drugs and hanging around Danny.

"How are you doing?" he asked, avoiding my question. I rolled my eyes.

"Like shit, how do you think! People keep bugging me and I don't have any weed, I need something. Can you bring me something?" I asked, and he gave me a disbelieving look. Then, his whole face turned livid.

"Bella, is that all you care about? We use to be friends! Now look at you! You're the walking dead! Ever since he left you, you've been lifeless!" he yelled, and I flinched back. The pain of his words stung through me, and Anna shrank back into my head, "You don't talk to anyone, you do drugs, you even hurt yourself! Bella, get over it! HE'S NOT COMING BACK!!" he yelled, and then the door swung open, and Edward walked in.

"I think it's time you left," Edward said in a murderous tone, glaring at Jacob. Jacob stared at Edward with shock, until he grew angry. His fists clenched, and he started shaking. I knew if he didn't get his anger under control, he'd explode into a giant dog soon.

"Get out, Jacob." I whispered. He sent me a look, and his eyes softened, but then turned to a mask of pain. Then he ran out of the room. I was frozen in my spot. What had I just _done?_

_Who cares! He's gone! He wouldn't have helped us anyways!_ Anna chorused from inside my head.

Edward gave me one last blank glance as he walked out of the room.

-Next Day-

I sat silently next to Danny in the cafeteria, staring at the exit. It was just 10 feet away, a sliding glass door. It was just sitting over there, teasing us. Mocking us.

Anna didn't like it.

Anna wanted to do something about it.

Edward wasn't here yet today, so the coast was clear. None of the supervisors were paying any attention to me, and the security were busy giving directions.

"Distract the table." I whispered in Danny's ear. Danny turned to take the attention of everybody at the table, while I carefully slid under the table, and crawled along the floor. I crawled to the end of the table, and then I got up and made a run for it. I ran as fast as I could towards the door out of the rehab center. I smiled as I ran past the doors, just missing the eye of the security guard.

That is, until I felt strong, cold arms whip me backwards and into a stone chest.

"Let me GO!" choked out, thrashing my legs and arms around, although I knew it was useless. I recoiled away from his touch, as more memories flooded my mind…

"_I was thinking, while I was running...." He paused._

"_About not hitting the trees, I hope."_

"_Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."_

"_Show-off," I muttered again. He smiled._

"_No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And he took my face in his hands again. I couldn't breathe._

I sucked in a sharp breath as the memory flashed through me like a shock of electricity. Suddenly, I couldn't find my breath. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was drowning in the memory, being pulled down to the bottom of the ocean by it. I tried to swim to the top, but every time I reached my hand out, I only sank lower and lower. Would no one help me? Would no one reach for my hand pull me out of this flood?

I couldn't breathe.

The next thing I knew, Edward laid me on the ground and was performing CPR on me. Every time his cold lips touched mine, I felt a twinge of pain. Every time his lips touched mine, another memory flooded back.

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...." He murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word._

"_What a stupid lamb," I sighed._

"_What a sick, masochistic lion." _

Finally, my breath came back to me, and as I was gasping for the sharp, burning air, I couldn't help but think...

Why am I still living?

**Foreshadowing, for ya. Who likes Jasper? Because there is going to be more of him...tell me in a review!**

**First song in EPOV was "Easier Said than Done" by Donnie Klang, second song was "Breathe Again" by Jimmy Robbins.**


	11. Falling Inside the Black

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 11: Falling Inside the Black

Days passed. Weeks passed. I gave a new definition to the word empty. I spoke to no one, no one at all. If they asked me a serious question, I would only nod or shake my head. I never spoke one word to Danny. I haven't used my voice in two weeks. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd be shocked to hear it again?

_Tonight I'm so alone  
This sorrow takes a hold  
Don't leave me here so cold  
Never want to be so cold_

Anna was permanently here. Anna was happy about that....Bella, not so much. Bella cried inside my head, while Anna covered her up with Anger. Bella wanted to reach out to others, while Anna wanted nothing more than to snap at them like a pack of ferocious dogs.

_Your touch used to be so kind  
Your touch used to give me life  
I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time_

Anna was always looking for a fight.

And every day, we watched Edward come here. Every day, we watch Edward become more distant. Every day, we watch the pain on Edward's face grow and grow. Bella was screaming to reach out to him. Bella hated his pain.

Anna loved it.

Anna wanted him in more pain. Anna thought he deserved it. Anna relished it. The never-ending war between Bella and Anna raged on inside my head, and threatened to break out at any moment.

_Falling in the black  
Slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths can I ever go back  
Dreaming of the way it used to be  
Can you hear me  
falling in the black_

And as I lay here, on this sad excuse for a bed, I couldn't help but repeat the thought that has been circling my mind ever since I tried to escape...

Why am I still living?

_You were my source of strength  
I've traded everything  
That I love for this one thing  
Stranded in the offering  
Don't leave me here like this  
Can't hear me scream from the abyss  
And now I wish for you my desire_

I hadn't had any drugs in weeks. I felt horrible. The pain was constantly surging through me, sending ice shooting through my veins. My head was currently hurting, and it sounded like a repeating pounding on the inside of my skull, that has been worsening by the hour. My stomach clenched, and I felt heated. I let out a sharp gasp as my body started trembling.

Then, my body started shaking, furiously. I felt weak, like I had no muscles, and I could barely lift my hand.

I sat like that for another hour, the pain from my head hammering, and the heat overwhelmed my body. I seemed to drown in it. I sat on the bed, hugging my legs to my chest, shaking. Sweat glistened off my body, and I moaned as the pain in my head became worse.

Then, the door flew open, and Edward ran in. He closed the door behind him, and approached me.

"Bella..." he said, pain dripping from his voice. "You're just going through withdrawals. Here, take this medication." He said, handing me a cup with some pills in it, along with a glass of water. I glared up at him through my shaking, but reluctantly took the pills and slid them into my mouth. I took the glass, but I was shaking so bad, and my muscle were so weak, I dropped it. In one swift movement, Edward reached out and caught the glass before it hit the floor. He held the glass to my lips, and I was able to swallow the water down with the pills.

"Edward, please. I need something," I begged in a broken whisper. "Please." I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see his face.

"B-Bella...I can't. You need to get better." He said, and my eyes snapped open to look at his pained expression.

"_Please?_ I don't think I can go on without them. Please, Edward. Help me!" I begged. He only shook his head. Then, with one last pained, backward glance, he left the room, the epitome of regret.

Please, regret was etched into his skin.

Regret thrived through his lifestyle.

Regret pulsed through his very veins.

...or, was this me we are talking about?

_Of course not! We have no regrets!_ Anna chorused inside my head. But as I sat here, I couldn't help but wonder....did I regret it? Did I regret moving to Forks? Did I regret talking to Edward? Did I regret falling for Edward? Did I regret pulling away from my friends and family? Did I regret using drugs?

And as I lay here, fighting for my life, I couldn't help but answer......yes. I had many regrets.

Anna didn't like it.

Anna wanted to do something about it.

My shaking calmed, but my body still felt weak. With renewed determination, I got up from my bed, and walked over to the window. I grinned as I looked at the hole in the bottom corner of the glass, and decided what needed to be done. I picked up a lamp and banged it against the glass, causing it to shatter from where the hole was. The cold breeze of outside immediately filled the room, and as I looked down the 4 stories of the building and into the parking lot, I smiled to myself. I knew Edward was on his way, so I had to act fast. I carefully grabbed onto the window sill, and stepped my foot onto it, and angled my body outwards. Now, all I had to do was let go. And, just at that second, Edward ran into the room.

"Bella, don't!" he yelled, panic, pain, and worry filled his eyes. "Bella, get back in here and step away from the window." As I looked at his panicked face, my face softened, and I could feel Anna disappear. Bella took over, and screamed at me to get back inside, and go to Edward. But, just like that, Anna came back, reminding me why I couldn't go back to Edward. I wasn't wanted.

_This should wash away my regrets._

And with that thought in mind, catching one last glimpse of Edward's horrified face, I let go of the building.

**MWUAHAHAHHAHA! Review…unless you want Bella to DIE!**

**The song today was "Falling Inside the Black" by Skillet.**


	12. Black Mistakes

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Chapter 12: Black Mistakes

The fall felt like forever, but really, it only happened in a matter of seconds. The wind blew through my long hair, sending it flying all over the place as I fell backwards. The fluttering in my stomach made me sick, and I felt the need to hang onto something. I only wished the ground would come faster.

And as I thought of my death, I thought of Edward.

I thought of when he loved me. I thought of when he cared. I thought of when we sat in the meadow, his ear against my heart. I thought of the first time he told me he loved me, and I thought of what it would be like if he was still there. If he still cared. I sucked in a deep breath, preparing to hit the ground....

When two, cold, stone arms wrapped around my body, catching me. They weren't big and strong like Edward's. They were small and petite, and hurt like hell.

Alice.

And as I looked up into the horrified face of my sister, I couldn't help but break down. I clutched to her jacket and sobbed. I didn't know what else to do. Anna disappeared into the darkness, while Bella came out from hiding once again. Only then did I notice Alice was shaking. She dry sobbed, while I destroyed her clothes with my tears.

_I try to run, I try to hide from a voice I couldn't satisfy  
That was me, Always needing more  
And letting go of all I had before  
Cause it feels like the end  
A wound that I can't mend  
I just can't fight fight any longer  
You waited 'til I sobered  
You came when You knew that the game was over  
I didn't even want to be found_

I faintly noticed Edward standing off to the side. Still carrying me, Alice walked back into the hospital, and back into the Rehab center. She carried me to a different room than the one I was staying in, which now had a broken window. As she laid me on the bed, Edward walked into the room, closing the door behind him. Now that I looked at him, he had a livid expression on his face, but it also contained pain.

_But you chased me down and broke in just when  
I was done believing  
Spun me 'round so close now  
I can feel you breathing  
Sunlight burns inside and  
I feel so alive and  
Help me now, tell me how  
How can this last forever, forever_

"Bella, how could you do that!?!" he yelled, but trying to control his fury. He was shaking under the effort. Why was he mad? He didn't deserve the right to be mad! Anna was snarling from inside my head. Bella was gone again. This time, hopefully, for good.

"I did it....because I don't want to live." I whispered.

"How can you say that?!?!" he yelled, and I sent him a murderous glare. Alice ushered Edward out of the room, and shut the door behind him. Then, she turned to me.

"What is going on with you, Bella?"

"What is going on with me? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME!? YOU LOST THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHEN YOU LEFT!!" I screamed. Her face immediately softened, and filled with regret. Pain.

"Bella, we didn't want to leave..."

"You left without saying goodbye." I continued like she hadn't spoken.

"....we had to...."

"You left me....alone....on the forest floor." I said again, my anger growing.

"....we still love you."

"LOVE IS NOT LEAVING YOUR FUCKING SISTER TO DIE! LOVE IS NOT LEAVING HER WITHOUT A BACKWARDS GLANCE! LOVE IS NOT GETTING HER PRACTICALLY KILLED AND THEN LEAVING HER HEART BROKEN!" I screamed, "But you know what? What Jasper did…if he had succeeded, I would be happier than I am now."

"Bella, do you think of anyone!? Do you _think_ of how that would have affected Jasper?" Alice said, growing angry. "Do you _see _what you are doing to Edward? Do you _see_ his pain?!" she yelled, and instantly, I recoiled. I felt like she had hit me with a ton of bricks. Pain shot through my veins again like ice, and I put my hands over my ears, trying to block her out.

"Do you _see_ that he still loves you, Bella?! Do you _know_ what he looks like when he comes home!?! Do you _understand_ why he is in pain!? Because he _loves_ you!! Do you _see_ that you need help?!" I let out a high pitched, agonized, scream. I ignored her words, and tried to block them out. I didn't want to hear anymore lies. I couldn't take them. Ever since they left, my whole world has been filled with lies. I couldn't take anymore fake hope.

Alice stared at me for a while as I sat in a puddle of my own agony, my own pain. It seemed to drip from my every pour, radiating from my very presence. What she did next surprised me. She took out a piece of paper, and scribbled down something, and then laid the paper on the night stand next to me.

"Do you see....that it's killing me?"

And, with one last backward glance, Alice walked out of the room, and, out of my life.

Strike 2.

_How many people are you going to hurt, Bella?_

As many as it takes.

_Takes for what?_

For them to feel my pain. To know what they have done.

_Even if you lose them in the process?_

-

_I ignored the signs, opened every door  
But I couldn't find what I searched for  
I try to fight but I turn and run  
Every move I make is the wrong one  
You patiently waited for my next mistake  
I know it won't be much longer_

I sat with that thought for hours. Did I really want to lose them? I wasn't entirely sure. I had lost them once before...would I be willing to lose them again? But...had I even gained them again, to be able to lose them?

I picked up the piece of paper Alice had given me, and stared down at the 10 numbers on the paper.

Could I do it? Was I willing to except him in? I haven't let anyone in since they left. I hadn't even let Danny in. He was merely a distraction. So...was I willing to let him in? Was I willing to get help?

_You waited 'til I sobered  
You came when You knew that the game was over  
I didn't even want to be found_

I sat on that bed, for hours, just staring at the 10 numbers on the paper.

Anna raged inside of me.

_Forget it! They should die. They deserve it. They caused you this pain!_

And with that, I stood up from the bed, walked out of the room, and sat down on the bench. I knew what I had to do. Tears leaked down my face, falling reminders of the past. Falling regrets, ridding them from my soul.

Sniffling, I picked up the phone, more tears running down my face. My hand was shaking as I held the piece of paper in my hand, and dialed the number. The phone rang 2 times before someone picked up.

"Hello?" his soft, sweet voice rang like bells through the phone, but it sounded wrong. Pained. Empty. Lost. As I spoke into the receiver, tears poured down my cheeks, and the sobs broke out.

"Jasper..."

**Okay, children, the song for today is "Forever" by Red. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!**


	13. IMPORTANT author's note

Author's note….Le Gasp.

Hey guys….okay, I freaking hate posting these as much as you hate reading them. I mean, I'm a cool author, right? I barely ever really post Author's Notes, and when I do, they are interesting...

But I HAVE to do this.

It's just I have been so stressed this week with school starting. You might say "Hey, it JUST started, how bad can it really be?" well I have had a lot built up, and it's all about to blow. I am STILL WRITING! I'm not quitting, I'm not putting any stories on hold or adoption, I just wanted to let you guys know that I will not be posting as much as I was. I was posting every day, but I can't do that now....maybe every 3 days or so. If I get lucky every 2.

Last year my grades suffered because I wrote SO much. This year I have to maintain a B average, and I have a lot of difficult classes, as this is my junior year of high school and I am preparing to graduate soon. Also, one of my teachers was arrested the other day for having sex with a student…it's really taking a toll on everybody at our school. My sister is also expecting a baby, so I have been busy with that. Also, only the people that know me personally know this, but I have a lot of animals—around 40 rabbits, 2 dogs, and 3 fish. It is difficult to take care of all of these animals, it takes so much of my time. I am always tired because I stay up to write…and I end up falling asleep in class. Okay, maybe I already fell asleep in Algebra 2....but the point is clear. Lawlz

And thank you so much to all of my readers, and especially my reviewers. I may not always reply to reviews, because I get so many, but you should see my face when I check my email every day, and I have near 200 messages from fanfiction. I was sitting on the computer the other day with a huge grin and I felt so touched, my friend's like "What are you smiling at?" and I choked out, "All of my reviewers! I feel LOVED!" haha. Let me just tell you, he was laughing at how emotional I was. So thank you guys so much! Also, if you ever have any questions, I DO always respond to questions in reviews.

ALSOOOO....my main focus right now is Feel Good Drag. I don't know how soon I will be getting to Seeing Crimson. When I started the story, it was just a side thing. I don't know where I am going with it, unlike my other stories. All of my other stories I have the entire thing planned out. Here is a list of what my main focus is:

-Feel Good Drag  
-My Black Dahlia  
-A Lesson in Charades  
-It All Started With a Comment

So, if you read through this entire AN, you are amazing, and I, JasperSAYSrelax128, dub you amazingly fantastalistically awesome.

Peace, Love, and JasperSAYSrelax.

P.S. MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER EXPLODED A GUMMY BEAR! IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!


	14. Interview

Interviewer: Jules96

Being interviewed: JasperSAYSrelax128

**Your first Fanfiction story was Oops, he did it again! What was it that made you want to write it?**

Well, I had been reading fanfiction stories for a while, and I really wanted to try and write my own story. I just thought, "Hey, I can take a common idea for a story and make it hilarious!" that was what my first thoughts were. I wrote the first 12 chapters of OHDIA while I was at my friend Rachelle's house for a week during spring break, by hand. I hadn't planned on carrying OHDIA out as long as it was, but I'm glad I did.

**How did you come up with the name of Oops, he did it Again!?**

Well, originally it was going to be called "Bella Sitting" but there were so many of those! So I wanted something different…I didn't mean for the theme of the story to be about Emmett. If anything ,I really wanted it to be about Edward and Bella. But I was caught up in Emmett's obnoxious personality I had created. And when I was trying to decide a new name at the last minute, the song "Oops, I did it again!" just kept playing through my head, and I typed down the name.

**How do you come up with all of your story ideas? From everyday life? Does it just pop into your head?**

Both. A lot of funny things happen to me and my friends. We are really…laughable people. Haha. We will just be sitting in class, and someone will say a word, or something, and I can look at my best friend and we can erupt into laughter. Also, the adventures just pop into my head as I'm going through the day. I always tend to think "What if the Cullens…" you know, anything the Cullens do that would seem ordinary to us would turn into something huge for them. Like going to the zoo ;) But mostly, things just come as I'm sitting in front of my laptop, typing.

**When first writing on Fanfiction, did you expect to get so many reviewers?**

Hell no. I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect people to think me near as funny as they tell me I am. Haha. Now I have people actually FIGHTING over who is my biggest fan ;)

**What is your favorite genre to write?**

You know, Humor is easily my favorite. That was what I started with, and I love to laugh more than ANYTHING in the world. Although, I feel I can write some powerful pieces of Angst…

**Where did you get of the titles The Good Left Undone, and My Black Dahlia?**

Thos are both song names. I feel lyrics of songs are powerful, and I always use them in writing. The Good Left Undone was based on the song by Rise Against. It was basically referring to how all of the good that was done in the first story wasn't all finished…if that makes sense? James as coming back. Bella wouldn't get her happy ending until he was permanently destroyed. My Black Dahlia was also based on a song by Hollywood Undead. The song fit perfectly for how Bella was feeling. Edward had left her, and she felt hate, hurt, sadness. She cut herself, tried to kill herself, did drugs...the Black Dahlia was a girl who was murdered and her body was severed, I have a feeling the name of the song is used as in Bella is practically destroying herself.

**You write mostly humor stories. What got you to write My Black Dahlia, considering it's such a depressing story?**

That's a good question. Well, my sister was going through some stuff and she was recovering, and I have my own past(I've never done drugs, just to let you all know)…and I knew how it was with drug addicts. I wanted to write MBD because…I wanted to write something where Edward had to watch Bella suffer, as bad as that sounds. Sometimes it's okay to write sad stories every now and then, because it uproots certain emotions and feelings you have. And when you transfer those emotions into words, it creates extremely powerful work.

**How do you deal with the pressure of keeping up with the viewers, replying to reviews, and people copying your stories?**

Well, I'm on my email ALL the time, checking for reviews from you guys. Seriously, when I get home from school, it's the first thing I do is check. Even when I wake up. I get a LOT of reviews though, and I read All of them and take the names of people leaving them, but I unfortunately can't reply to all of them. I always reply to a question. As for updating, I write at any chance I get. I am always excited to add a new chapter just to see what my readers have to say about it, whether they just submit a short review saying "I love it" that just makes me happy. And the copying stories hassles, I am really upset with it at first, but I turn to my friends and readers and they help me work it through. Especially Jules96, SnappleApple450, and birningice.

Have you ever considered joining a community or co-writing a story?

Well, I really don't exactly know what you mean by community, but if I co-write a story, that is probably a bad idea, because I am controlling and have a large imagination and I would probably take over the story and it would go in the direction I want and my poor co-author would be left behind. Trampled on. Poor co-author….

**How did you come up with your username?**

Oh, haha! Well, I love Jasper. I just love, love, LOOOOVE him! And since I read the first book, I like the part where Jasper says "Relax!" so whenever someone was freaking out about something, or excited, or mad, I would walk around saying "Jasper says relax!" haha.

**Do you have any favorite authors or stories?**

Well, probably my favorite story EVER, was the story called "Lollipop" by Lollirotxox. that was my first story I read on here, and it is literally, THE most OUTSTANDING, Hilarious one-shot. Seriously, read it. It's funnier than all of the OHDIA's combined. The other story I love is "A Day With Jasper" by JaspersDaughter. It's a work in progress, but it is the sweetest thing! My favorite authors...PopItLikeAPopTart. Read her story, it's freaking hilarious.

Does anyone help you write your stories or give you ideas?

Haha, well, I have someone who I discuss my ideas with. She basically tells me if she likes them a lot. She tells me if I should change something or not. Most of the time...she just laughs her ass off, or I get "OH MY GOD! NO WAY! THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!?!". She did pitch in a couple Takes from Action! And, she was featured in TGLU.....now, ladies and gents, who is this mystery person? Oh, she's DESTINED to marry Ricky from TGLU....give a round of applause to....JULES96!!

**What sets you off the most in what reviews say?**

Well....I hate when I write something in an author's note and people review asking about it. I mean, I PUT IT THERE FOR A REASON! Haha. Most of the time it's anonymous reviewers, too. It also bugs me slightly when people tell ME to "review" when they mean o say "Update" also when I JUST updated, and people leave a review saying "UPDATE PLEASE!" there's a difference in that and saying to update soon. Saying update soon is okay, but some people tell me to update, like, 5 minutes after I just posted. It takes time to write stories.

**Do you have a pet peeve when writing?**

Yea, I tend to make some typos, because I have long nails(real) and it's rather hard to type on a laptop…and then I get so excited because I just finished a chapter and I want to post it!!...that I forget to reread it for errors. Haha. Also when I get an idea for a scene, and I want to get to that scene, so I have to pace myself and not end up rushing through the whole thing.

**Have you ever considered getting a beta, or betaing?**

No, I like to go solo. I could help beta if its throwing out ideas, but I don't think I could reread someone else's work for mistakes.

**Have you ever thought about doing a story with non-cannon pairings?**

That's a good question. If I DID do a non cannon, it would be Jasper x Bella, but honestly, I don't think I see that happening, unless something good comes up. I strongly believe in the Twilight characters all with their mates for a reason, and that's the way they belong.

**What gave you the idea to write ACTION!?**

Actually, I read this story, that did this thing with parts of the Twilight movie, but it was different. It was called "What REALLY happened in the Twilight movie" it was sort of things that happened later in the day and stuff…I can't explain it. It just gave me the idea, because there were so many funny/idiotic things in the movie. And, oh God, don't even get me started ont the fact that they didn't put Jasper's power in the movie…

**What do you hate most about other Fanfiction stories, such as writing style, character pairs, and plotlines?**

Well, I guess the biggest thing I hate is when people aren't descriptive, on actions OR emotions. For plotlines, I hate it when Bella is some absolute, flawless, hard-core chick who is perfect at EVERYTHING she does, and when she's a vampire and has like, a million and some powers.

**I hear you are writing a book. What inspired you to start writing it, and how long do you plan on it being?**

Yes, I'm currently writing a book called Numbering Blood. Well, honestly, YOU GUYS inspired me to write it! A lot of you guys told me that I needed to write a book, and that you would totally buy it, so I am! I plan on it being around the size of Twilight, maybe longer. I can't give too much of it away, but I can say that there are a lot of themes in the book. But the basic theme is life or death. Everyone's days are numbered, and if you had the chance, power, to save people that weren't meant to die, would you? What if it meant giving up others that you love? Basically, what I've learned from raising animals, is that sometimes an animal will get deathly sick or injured. You can either try to save it, and succeed, or end up just prolonging it's death sentence. Or you can let fate take its course, and let it die. It's a hard decision to make, and if the decision was up to you, how would you choose? That's the basic theme. It's also a love story...with a vampire...

**What are some of your favorite books/movies/songs?**

My favorite books are Twilight, of course, House of Night, Harry Potter. My favorite movie is Transformers. My favorite songs are "Feel Good Drag" by Anberlin, "The Good Left Undone" by Rise Against, and "Comatose" by Skillet. There are so many, but I couldn't live without those!

**How do you brainstorm for your stories? Do you just write as you go along, or plan it out and then write it?**

Well, I usually think out the ENTIRE story, in like, 5 minutes. Yea. I have a REALLY active imagination. Anyone who knows me, could easily say my most said line is "I had the weirdest dream last night..." because my imagination is always running wild. I'm thinking of making a story just about my dreams. Would you guys like that?

**What has been your favorite story to write?**

That's a really hard question. I love writing Feel Good Drag because I have a fascination with cars. But I'm going to have to say, my first story, "Oops, he did it Again!" was my all time favorite. It was just so fun and crazy to write!

**Thank you for your time.**

No, thank you....loser.

JUUUUUST KIDDINGGG!


	15. Beauty from Black Pain

The songs in order are "Breathe Me" by Sia, and then "Beauty from Pain" by Superchick.

ALSO…this is an Edward x Bella story! Just reminding you.

Chapter 13: Beauty from Black Pain

"Jasper..."

"Bella?" Jasper's surprised voice drifted to my ears in a soft tone. Then it turned worried. "What's wrong?"

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

"...I'm sick, Jasper." I whispered brokenly. The sobs that ripped from me made it hard to talk. "I-I—I need help..." I trailed off as I wiped the tears from under my eyes and covered my sobs with my hand.

"Of course, Bella. I'm so sor—"

"No, please, don't….it's not your fault. I am so sorry, Jasper. I—I didn't mean it!" I completely broke down as I sat in the chair, curled around the phone, as if it were my life support. Jasper didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve what I said to him. He was the only one I could trust, as ironic as it was that he was the one that almost killed me. Everyone had moved away on free will, unlike Jasper. Jasper had been taken away from me because of his thirst. He hadn't abandoned me because he hated me. And he had come to make amends, and I had turned him away. No, I had practically kicked him out and tossed him his coat.

_Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

"Bella, I'm coming over there. Is it okay if I come to see you?" he asked hesitantly. I shook my head, but then remembered he couldn't see me.

"Yes, please." I whispered before another sob came out. He was so forgiving, so willing to help. How could I have done this to him? How could I have blamed all of my problems on him? I hung up the phone, and stared numbly at the cord. I had a problem. I knew that much. Whatever it was....I wasn't sure. I knew I blamed Jasper for something that wasn't his fault. Although, I can't say I regret everything I've said to Alice and _him..._

How could I have been so selfish?

_Well, no one else is going to care for you! So you have to!_

Anna sneered inside my head. I knew she was right on that level. No one cared for me, no one at all. Edward had demonstrated that when he left. He left me in the forest, heartbroken...practically dead. He had left me and the future we had. He had left me in the dark, searching for the light switch. And he complains about what I have found to substitute as that light switch?

_The lights go out all around me  
One last candle to keep out the night  
And then the darkness surrounds me  
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died_

Edward had promised me that he loved me. He had promised me that he wouldn't leave. But I guess I knew now what promises were...they were empty words. No one can promise. He displayed that when he left, taking my future with him.

_And all that's left is to accept that it's over  
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made  
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder  
I feel like I'm slipping away_

I flinched as the long lost words whisper slowly to me, _"You are my life now..."_ it was nothing but a lie. What was my life now? I had no one except for the drugs. They were the only thing that helped me. Everyone had abandoned me.

_After all this has passed, I still will remain  
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today,  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain_

I realized I was still sitting in the chair. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a movement. I glance up to see Edward standing by the corner, watching me. Then, Jasper walked up next to him. He smiled lightly, and I got up from the chair, and stared at him silently. He had dark patches under his eyes, and they were a dark brown color, nearing black. He was still so sad, but happier than the last time I had seen him. I missed my brother.

Before I knew what I was doing, I launched myself at Jasper.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. I felt him stiffen, before gently wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry." I repeated, crying into his shoulder.

_My whole world is the pain inside me  
The best I can do is just get through the day  
When life before is only a memory  
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place  
And though I can't understand why this happened  
I know that I will when I look back someday  
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes  
And made me as gold purified through these flames_

"Bella, it's alright. I want to help you get better." He said, and I pulled back to look into his face. And as I looked up into Jasper's smiling face, I knew I wasn't alone. I had someone. I had hope. I had Jasper.

_Though it won't be today,  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain_

Be sure to check out my new song I wrote in Edward's POV about when he left, it's in the story "The Forest Floor Never Felt So Welcoming"

**Sorry that's all I can write. I have the SWINE FLU and am terribly sick with the fever…and my dad had a heart attack the other day, and had surgery today, so please bear with me.**


	16. My Last Black Resort

"My Last Resort" by Papa Roach

Chapter 14: My Last Black Resort

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper asked as he sat me down on the bed in my room. Edward lightly closed the door behind him as he left.

_Cut my life into pieces  
This is my last resort  
Suffocation  
No breathing  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding_

_This is my last resort_

"Everything," I whispered, looking out the brightly lit window. He hesitantly took my hand, I cringed. He let go with a pained expression, and I instantly felt bad.

_Cut my life into pieces  
I've reached my last resort  
Suffocation  
No breathing  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding  
Do you even care if I die bleeding_

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry!" I said, quickly taking his hand in mine. I fought off the cringe that my body was built to neglect, to fear. Because that touch meant pain, heartache. But this was Jasper, and he was not going to leave me like that.......at least, I didn't think so.

_That's just it! My point! HE'S GOING TO LEAVE LIKE THE REST OF THEM!!_ Anna screamed inside my head.

I quickly let go of Jasper's hand and clutched my head. This wasn't right, this wasn't how anything was supposed to be. But yet, I knew she was right.

Because Anna was always right.

_Would it be wrong  
Would it be right  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might  
Mutilation outta sight  
And I'm contemplating suicide_

"Bella? Are you okay?" Jasper asked. I started t feel slow waves of calmness creeping up to me, and I greeted them with open arms.

_Cuz I'm losing my sight  
Losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight  
Losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

"Jasper, I don't want to do this anymore!" I cried, tears spilling from my eyes and sobs breaking free from my chest. "She's everywhere!"

"Who, Bella?" he asked sternly.

_Don't tell him! We don't need him!_

"Anna! She's everywhere I look! She's all I hear!" I screamed, clutching my head and rocking myself back and forth.

"What does she say?" he asked, taking my hands in his.

_Isabella, you tell him, and you can go kill yourself._

"She tells me things, she tells me t-to do things. She tells me that I'm useless, that I shouldn't exist...she tells me he doesn't love me..." I whispered brokenly. Jasper looked me sternly in the eyes.

"Bella, you are not useless. You are amazing, caring, sweet, and the best sister anyone could ever have....don't tell Rose." He said, and I giggle through my sniffles. "And your existence is what brought all of us together. Bella, we were nothing without you—"

_LIAR!!!_

"SHE SAYS YOU'RE LYING!!" I screamed as pain shot through my head.

"Anna isn't real, Bella. She isn't real! It's only you. Think about it, do you trust me? We didn't want to leave—"

_LIAR!!!!_

"STOP LYING!!" I screamed. "THEY WANTED TO LEAVE ME! AND THEY DID!"

Suddenly, the door opened and Edward was at my side in an instant. Jasper backed away, worriedly, but still sending waves of calm at me as he stood off to the side. He took me in his arms and held me. I was too confused and numb from the painful war of emotions and thoughts battling each other inside my head that I didn't object.

"Bella, the only reason I left was because I wanted you safe." He said in my ear.

_LIE!!_

"SHE SAYS YOU'RE LYING!!" I screamed. Edward continued.

"I wanted you to have a life free from us, a life where you wouldn't be in danger every minute that we were with you. I didn't mean anything I said,"

_LIE!!!_

"LIE!!" I repeated, still sobbing. Edward continued.

"Bella, I still love you,"

_LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

That was it. I broke down. I broke down worse than I ever had. A scream came out, strangled from my lips, torn with pain and sobs and tears. I clung to the only thing I could, his shirt, as my body plummeted into a raging war. I barely noticed Jasper yell out with the intensity of it all, before making his way out of the room.

A war was raging on inside me, and I was losing.

**Edward's POV:**

As the strangled scream left Bella's lips, I felt like screaming myself. She clung to my shirt and sobbed for hours. I rubbed her back, although I wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. After a very long time, she jumped up from my lap and ran into the bathroom of her room, slamming the door angrily. I walked over to the door and pressed my forehead against it.

"Bella," I whispered, too low for her to hear. I pressed my hand against the door, just willing to break it down to see her. I wanted to see her smiling face once more, her beautiful wide, chocolate brown eyes, her free spirited laugh....I just wanted to feel her in my arms once again, a soft embrace instead of the pained touches.

"Bella, I swear to you, I will never leave you again." I vowed. "As long as you want me, I am here. I vow to never let anything hurt you, ever again." I said through the door, and then walked out of the room.

I walked out of the hospital and got into my Volvo, heading back to the house. I enjoyed the thick silence as I drove, thinking over what had occurred. When I pulled up into the drive, I walked into the house only to find Alice sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV. She looked up at me when I entered.

"Jazz came home just now. He—he's worried, Edward. You should hear what he felt about her emotions. Something is happening, Edward. It's like she's being torn in two from the inside out." She whispered, and I collapsed into the chair next to her.

"Have you seen anything?" I whispered.

"Well, I—"

Suddenly, Alice froze. Her eyes glazed over as she stared off into space, and I knew she was having a vision. I tried to look into her mind, but everything was too chaotic with the black and white fuzz for me to understand. As I watched Alice, her face turned to that of pure horror, and she came out of the trance screaming.

"Bella, Bella, BELLA, _BELLA!!!!"_

**NEXT TIME ON MY BLACK DAHLIA....**

"Are you afraid?"

I thought over his question intensely. My entire life, since I had met _them_, had been drowning in fear. Fear that they would leave me, fear that I was lost, fear of the pain....fear of _myself_. So, as I contemplated my fears, I knew I was finally beyond caring.

"No," I answered dully.

"Fear is something you cannot hide, or run from." He said, eyeing me. I looked him dead straight in the eye.

"I'm done running."

**Reviews = Cupcakes**

**P.S. I am better and my dad is good! :) thank you for all the love!**


	17. Black Loneliness

the song is "Alright" by Lindsay Lohan. and I know I posted something for the "Next time" thing, but that doesnt happen yet. JUST KIDDING ABOUT IT! lawlz

Chapter 15: Black Loneliness

**Bella's POV:**

I was walking in the Cullen house. Everything seemed like it was in a brighter, happier time....and I'm sure it was. I knew it was, because I was dreaming.

_I should've known  
The day we met  
The way you turned and waved at me, I never will forget  
Two years later, who'd of guessed  
That we would make it this far just to put it all to rest_

Everything felt so surreal. I could reach my hand out and feel the glossy coating of the marble countertop in the kitchen as my hand ran along it. I looked at my hand, when I heard laughter come from the living room. It was carefree laughter, happy, and sweet sounding. Mesmerized, I followed the sound of the sweet notes, until I entered the living room of the grand Cullen house.

_And if it's alright I'll stay until it's late until  
You tell me that its time that we moved on  
And if it takes all night I'll wait here till the  
Daylight so that I can see that we just don't belong  
Its alright we were wrong_

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle all sat around the brightly-lit living room, the fire place burning, a warm haze filling the air and decorations hung for Christmas. They all had large grins on their faces, laughing and joking with each other as they tossed presents around to each other.

"I've missed you so much!" I cried as I looked around me at my family. But they didn't respond. They carried along with their jokes and laughs as if I weren't there. As if I were invisible.

Suddenly, I was yanked away from the living room. I was pulled through the house by an unknown force until I was thrown out into the cold, frezing night, and the door slammed in my face. I ran back to the window and looked into the house and saw my once family all enjoying the warm holiday, and I watched the radiant smile on Edward's face. I was gone.

_I should've known  
The day we met..._

My eyes shot open and my breathing was deep and accelerated as I gasped for air. My chest moved up and down rapidly as sweat glistened across my body in the very dim light. I looked around my surroundings, to see that I was I was still sitting in the bathroom of my room, leaning against the cabinet under the sink. I looked up at the dim light above me, mesmerized by the way that, even though it were small, dim, and in the dark, it still pulled through to five off that soft glow. Had that glow gone through many things in its lifetime? Had it suffered, been dragged out for longer than it should, only to fade away slowly? No, the glow was there. It had pulled through the worst, just like me.

As I stared at the light, I couldn't help but find myself praying.

_Please, whatever is out there, please save me. Please help me._

Suddenly, a shock exploded from the light, and the light bulb shattered. I jumped up, startled, as I was now left in the dark, more than ever before. It was a sign that I was alone, just as I'd ever be. I felt my way around the dark, looking for a way out of the dark room. That was when I heard the very light tap on the other side of the door, like someone tapping with their knuckle of their finger.

"Yes?" I whispered. There was no answer, only another tapping. Why couldn't Edward just leave? Why was he still here? "Go away, Edward."

There was no response, but instead, I heard a long screech, like a fingernail dragging across the door.

I finally found the handle to the door, and unlocked it, jerking it open. "EDWARD, I SAID GO AWA—"

Suddenly, something collided with my head, and I fell to the hard floor, as the darkness pulled me under, drowning me in the current of loneliness.

**Edward's POV:**

As soon as her name left Alice's mouth, I was out the door. I didn't bother to take the car, but instead, ran as fast as I could towards the hospital. Alice's thoughts about the vision flew through my mind as I raced there at the speed of light.

"EDWARD!" Alice screamed after me, sobbing. She struggled to keep up with my fast pace as I flew past the blurring tress and across the land. "You can't do _anything!_" she screamed, but it only made me more determined as I picked up my pace, pushing myself forward, past my physical capability. I knew Alice was hurt, bad, about what she had seen. But she had given up hope. She had given up hope on Bella.

"I PROMISED HER, ALICE! _I PROMISED!"_

"She's going to die, Edward! _You cannot stop it!_" She got in front of me, putting me at a halt. I glared at her in fury.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?!" I screamed at her.

"Because, I saw it! There was no possible way to stop it! _THERE WAS NO OPTION!_" she screamed, breaking down into more sobs.

"Your visions are not always true!" I hissed, pushing past her.

"And I'm going to prove it."

**Reviews = donuts. with pink icing. yum.**

**"Okay....I want a donut....and I want frosting....all over it....and I want sprinkles...but _not_ all over it....I just want them scrunched over on the edge. You got anything like that?!"**

**"We sure do, it's called our sprink smidge for lunatics like YOU!"**

**BRIAN REGAN IS BOMB!**


	18. Black Blood

Chapter 16: Black Blood

Your author has gone crazy. Her mind is becoming sicker and sicker and more twisted, in order to please you readers. Your author's mind works in no way known to Twilight Fanfiction. Thus, there are no clichés when it comes to your author.

Your author is hardcore crazy.

**Bella's POV:**

It was the same dream as before. Exactly the same. Everything played out before my eyes perfectly.

Everything felt so surreal. I could reach my hand out and feel the glossy coating of the marble countertop in the kitchen as my hand ran along it. I looked at my hand, when I heard laughter come from the living room. It was carefree laughter, happy, and sweet sounding. Mesmerized, I followed the sound of the sweet notes, until I entered the living room of the grand Cullen house.

Edward, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle all sat around the brightly-lit living room, the fire place burning, a warm haze filling the air and decorations hung for Christmas. They all had large grins on their faces, laughing and joking with each other as they tossed presents around to each other.

"Geez, Jasper, man up. Did you get matching earings to go with those mittens from Alice?" Emmett teased, erupting into laughter. Jasper threw a box at him. I couldn't believe they were here.

"I've missed you so much!" I cried as I looked around at my family. But they didn't respond. They carried along with their jokes and laughs as if I weren't there. As if I were invisible.

Suddenly, I was yanked away from the living room. That was when they all looked up at me, and worried expressions crossed their faces. "Bella!" they yelled. I tried to reach them, but I couldn't. I was pulled through the house by an unknown force until I was thrown out into the cold, freezing night. I looked up at the person who had me in a death grip....and it was _me._

I was pulled away from the Cullens by myself. I was hurting myself. I had done this.

"Who are you?!" I asked. She grinned a sickly smile that didn't belong on that face.

"Why, I'm Anna, of course."

-

I woke with a start. I gasped for air and shook as realization dawned over me. Edward still loved me. He had said so. Had this all been a mistake? What was I doing here, anyways?

_You are enjoying the show._ Anna mocked from inside my head.

I was hurting myself, over and over again.

_No, you're fixing yourself! He did this to you!_

But they want to be there for me.

_YOU HATE THEM! _She screamed.

_I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
You gave me hate see?  
It saved me and these tears are deadly._

I don't hate Edward.

_Don't. Don't think like that._

I think...

_Don't you dare say it._

I might even...

_Don't. Don't say it._

I...

_Don't._

I...still loved Edward.

And just like that, Anna was gone.

_I've lost it all fell today its all the same  
I'm sorry oh (I'm sorry)  
I'm sorry no (no)  
I've been abused, I feel so used, because of you  
I'm sorry oh (I'm sorry)  
I'm sorry no (no)_

That was when I noticed my surroundings. I looked around the room. It was a plain room, with a stone floor and walls. I was on a small bed in the left hand corner, with a single blanket and pillow. That was all there was in the room. No clocks, no windows, nothing. Where the hell was I? Where was my bed, my dresser, my bathroom....my Edward?

The last memory flooded back. I was knocked out in the dark. I had no clue where I was. I was alone.

I hugged my knees to my chest, trembling. Had they moved me to an insane asylum after my complete break down? Was Edward still my doctor? Would I ever get to see him again?

The door opened slowly and a figure stepped through.

And in that moment, I knew that I would never see Edward again.

**Edward's POV:**

I knew what I was going to find when I reached that door. I knew what I was going to see when I turned that doorknob. I knew what I was going to feel when I saw what was behind it. And I knew what I'd have to do in order to get her back.

And as I looked at the destroyed room, I knew I was going to hell and back. But no matter what, I wasn't coming back empty handed.

Even if it killed me.

**Bella's POV:**

I knew I would never see Edward again. Because the man that walked through that door....

That man was a vampire.

A vampire with crimson eyes.

My entire body stiffened, frozen in all of my emotions. Shock, nervousness, anticipation, horror, sickness, wonder, warning, sadness, pain, realization, embarrassment, eagerness, anger…they all ran through my head and around and around in circles. The man was slender, pale, and his crimson eyes shone from under his long, black cloak. He had a sinister smile upon his face as he came closer to me.

"Hello, I am Demetri....of the Volturi."

**Edward's POV:**

I ran back towards the door, when I collided with rock.

"Get the hell out of my way." I hissed, pushing past Emmett. But he was blocking my way and wouldn't let me pass.

"Emmett, I don't have time for this!"

"We know," Rosalie said, appearing next to Emmett.

"We know exactly what is going on," Jasper said, appearing behind them, along with Carlisle and Esme.

"Then, _what are you doing?!"_ I hissed. Alice appeared in front of me.

"Going to get our sister, of course."

**Bella's POV:**

My eyes widened, I was sure of it. I was still frozen in place, hugging my knees, thankfully as far away from him as possible. A memory flashed through my mind.

"_The Volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes remote. "A very old, powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," Edward said. "Not unless you want to die."_

I continued to stare at this strange man as he held his sickly grin. It was mocking, joyful, and anticipating the upcoming events with great glee, I could tell.

"You have potential, Isabella," he said. I just sat there and stared at him, unmoving. "I can see that."

My eyes narrowed.

"Where....am I?" I asked. He chuckled.

"You are in Volterra, Italy, of course." he said. My mouth dropped.

"Take me back." I demanded quietly.

"Um," he mumbled, grinning.

"Take me back, take me back, TAKE ME BACK, _TAKE ME BACK!!!"_ I screamed.

"Shut up." he hissed, venom leaking in his voice. He was now angry, and his body was tense and ready to cause damage. I was quiet as I stared at him. "You are in for a rude awakening." He said. I narrowed my eyes.

"I know what's going to happen." I stated calmly. He stared at me curiously.

"Are you afraid?"

I thought over his question intensely. I searched my emotions, but couldn't fin fear among them. My entire life, since I had met the Cullens, had been drowning in fear. Fear that they would leave me, fear that I was lost, fear of the pain….fear of _myself_. So, as I contemplated my fears, I knew I was finally beyond caring.

"No," I answered dully.

"Fear is something you cannot hide, or run from." He said, eyeing me. I looked him dead straight in the eye.

"I'm done running."

"Well then, let' get going, Hercules." He said, forcefully grabbing me by the arm and dragging me out of the room quickly.

"Ow," I muttered and hissed as his hand gripped my arm tightly, cutting off my circulation. He threw me forward, and I stumbled through giant, thick doors, and into a grand room. I looked around it, taking in every detail. The room was unique and sculpted. The room was royal and artistic. The room was the most terrifying place I had ever seen.

It was death.

My eyes scanned around the room, where many more vampires in cloaks stood all around it. They were all staring at something in the middle of the room, and when my eyes moved in that direction, I stiffened. In the middle of the room were six people. There was a large, masculine man that reminded me greatly of Emmett. His face was expressionless. There was boys about my age, all looking around angrily. One had blond hair, another had black, and another brown. They were all decently muscled. There was a beautiful women that couldn't be any older than 30, and she had long blonde hair, looking around anxiously. She reminded me of Rosalie. There was also another boy, who looked about 16, who was smaller than any of the others in muscle. He was looking around worriedly. And lastly, there was a very small boy, about six years old, crying, holding onto the women. I felt a twinge of pain and sadness looking at him. But the one thing they all had in common...

Was that they were all human.

"Excellent!" I cheerful voice rang out through the large room. My eyes snapped to the front of the room, where I saw 3 large chairs...or thrones. In the middle was a tall man, who had stood up. He had long, pin-straight black hair, and pail, frail skin. It reminded me of an onion. On either side of him, was a man with pin-straight white hair, and another with similar black hair. They all had the pale, frail skin. And they all had crimson eyes.

"Isabella, this is wonderful!" he said a bit too cheerfully. "At last, you are here."

"How do you know my name?!" I hissed. My anger was building as I watched the group of people in the middle of the room. The man's cheerful laugh gave me a headache.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners? I am Aro, and these are my brothers, Caius and Marcus." He said, gesturing to the two men. "We are well aware of you and your relationship with the Cullens. We have been keeping....a watchful eye on it." He said with intensity, as if there was a double meaning behind his words. Only, I couldn't figure them out.

"Why am I here?"

"Well, Bella, your family has broken the law, you see. You know too much." He said. "As does these six." He gestured towards the group of people. I watched him with narrowed eyes as he continued his rave. I noticed a bunch of wooden spears sitting by his 'throne'. They were out of place with the rest of the Italian-style room.

"But, you see, you all have something special...you all have something unique that could be intensified upon turning into a vampire." He grinned.

This was it. This was the end. His next sentence would send us all into a spiral of chaos in misery, if it didn't take us down with it. His next words would determine our fate.

"So, which of you would like to join our team? Oh, but there's only one spot open right now, so we're going to have _tryouts_." He threw the spears onto the floor in the middle of the room. They rolled around as we all stared at them in confusion.

"The survivor wins the spot."

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	19. Black Actions

Chapter 17: Black Actions

"You can't do this!!" the black-haired boy about my age yelled, shooting forward. My face held confusion as I stared at the wooden spears on the stone floor. I couldn't bring myself to understand quite what this man was talking about.

But, as soon as the boy shot forward, he was on the floor, writhing in pain. He cringed against the cold, stone floor and screamed in agony. His screams were horrible, and they echoed off of the walls, amplifying them. The sheer horror of his screams held me frozen in shock. After a good couple of seconds, which felt like hours, the boy stood up and backed away into his previous position next to the two other boys. Aro smiled.

"Well, Mr. Brandon....you were all after the same female vampire. Think of it this way...you are simply eliminating the competition."

And that's when it all clicked.

"You sick....son of a bitch!" I screamed. Everyone's attention turned to me, and they all looked taken back. Aro smiled. But I was fuming. "Why are you doing this!?!"

"You broke the law, and you are subject to our punishment." Aro stated, before turning around to leave. My entire being was numb as I glared at his retreating figure in disgust. I barely realized that I was moving, until Demetri gripped my arm harder. I followed after, noticing other Guard members taking the others. A small, angelic looking girl with light brown hair took the blonde lady and the little boy, while a big male took the well muscled guy. I watched as various others left out of the room.

Demetri dragged me quickly down the hallways of an antique, Italian castle. My shoes made noises against the stone flooring, and a cold, eerie chill wafted through the halls.

"Where are you taking me!?!" I demanded, looking around the dark, empty castle. He didn't answer, only dragged me further, until we came to a stop, far from where we had started. Then, he turned to me.

"This is important. I know you can win this—"

"WIN THIS!?!?" I screeched, cutting him off. "I WILL NOT KILL A SINGLE PERSON!!"

He raised his hands to his temples, messaging them. His jaw clenched as he closed his eyes, trying to control his anger.

"Listen, Bella, I have a bet on you. I have been watching you closely, and you can win this. You were made to be a vampire. I've seen how you treated them. You belong here. Now, _go. Win. This."_

"I am better now. I was out of my mind then. Either way, this is _sick." _I spat, my hands on my hips. He looked me dead straight in the eye, his muscles tensed, and his voice leaked malice and venom as he spoke.

"If you don't win this, I will kill you myself."

**Edward's POV:**

"Alice," I whined.

"I know." She sighed from next to me. Jasper was on the other side of her while Rosalie and Emmett were in front of us, along with Esme and Carlisle.

-1 minute later-

"Alice..." I whined.

"I know..." she said, a little more anxious.

-2 minutes later-

"Alice..."

"I know..."

-30 seconds later-

"Alice..."

"EDWARD, I KNOW!!" she snapped, glaring at me. I sighed and closed my eyes. This was not going well. Alice kept searching the future, but no matter how our tactics changed, she was sentenced to die.

"Alice, are you sure this is the fastest way?" I asked again. Alice groaned.

"Yes, Edward, for the millionth time, this is the fastest way!" she snapped, before searching the future again. It was too difficult for me to get into her head to watch the vision with her, so I waited to read her mind after she came out of it.

_This can't be right..._

"What, Alice?" I snapped, irritated. She had a confused look on.

"But...it's a...._human_ that kills her." She said, utterly confused. My grip on the chair tightened, and I could feel the medal grinding and crushing in on itself under my grasp. My teeth were clenched in anger as I tried to control myself.

"_WHAT?"_ I said, low and menacing. Our family was listening intently.

"I can see that they are in the castle, but it's a human that kills her....with a....a spear. She..." her voice was broken and trailed off and horror crossed her face as she revisited the vision. All I saw was red bloodlust.

But this was a different type of blood lust...

"Alice, are you _sure_ this is the fastest way?" I said anxiously.

"Yes, Edward, there _is_ no other way!"

**Rosalie's POV:**

I watched Edward and Alice intensely. They were both so stressed, and Edward looked like he were about to dart out of here at any moment. Alice looked like she were going to strangle Edward if he asked if this was the fastest way, one more time...

Edward growled and jumped up from the chair, walking to the back of the plane.

"Uh, Alice, shouldn't someone stay with Edward? He might jump out, or something..." I said, looking at where he had disappeared.

"Edward won't jump out of the plane..." She confirmed. Suddenly, there was a huge jolt. Alice got up and ran back to where Edward disappeared, and came back out.

"Edward jumped out of the plane."

**There's the FIRST funny thing I have written in this entire story.**

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	20. Black Blood Spills

Chapter 18: Black Blood Spills

**Bella's POV:**

"Go." He said. I stared at him blankly. "Oh, and watch out for the bigger guy. Felix is bidding on him. And the women and the child, they are for Jane. I'll try to stop Jane if she....erm, _interferes..._.but it will be difficult."

"Why am I doing this?" I muttered as I walked away from him.

"Because, it's fun." He said, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he faded into the shadows of the large, stone castle.

But as I walked down the long, dark hallway, this was anything but fun.

-

As I continued to make my way down the large, cavernous hallways, my shoes smacked against the marble floor. My breathing was coming out heavily as the cold intake punctured my lungs, and every time I breathed, white fog filled the air. I gripped my spear tightly, and splinters of wood pricked at my skin as my nails dug into the freezing pole.

I had not encountered anyone yet, and I felt alone as I travelled through the very dimly-lit castle. I couldn't even feel the presence of the sadistic vampire I knew was following me in the darkest shadows.

I could faintly hear cries and screams from somewhere in the castle. It echoed around the marble walls, sending sound waves rocketing all over, letting everyone know what was going on. I held in my shudders and cringes every time I heard the faint pleas, I tried to ignore it and walk on, but it was just too hard when you knew it was really happening, and you had your surroundings to prove it. As much as I wanted to deny that any of this was really happening, I couldn't.

I was in the thick of the fire.

Although I had sworn to myself I would never waste another precious moment on Edward, I knew I was going to die, and my last moments are being spent thinking of him as I travel through this place. I knew I still loved him. I really did believe what he said about it all being a lie. But he had still hurt me, he had lied to me, and broken me, and I knew I shouldn't forgive him for that.....yet, I _did. _

My footsteps froze as I heard more cries, closer. But these cries were different. They weren't cries of pain, or pleas, they were cries of _sorrow_. They were innocent, and young, and _broken_. Picking up my pace, I ran around the corner, and there in the corner of the room was the little boy, with his head in his hands, crying. His spear lay on the ground, and I saw a dark red puddle oozing across the stone floor.

My eyes followed the trail of crimson blood, until I saw the little boy's mother on the floor, a long stick stuck straight in her stomach. I hissed, looking away from the horrific scene.

"Come here, babe. I won' hurt you." I said, stretching my hand out for the little boy. He looked up at me with a tear-streaked face, his eyes red and puffy. I could hear Demetri's faint growling. "It's okay." I said, and the boy quickly got up from the ground, and started making his way towards me. But then he stopped and ran back, grabbing his spear. He ran towards me again, latching his arms around my waist, crying into my shirt.

"Hey, we're going to make it, okay?" I said, rubbing his back.

"I want to go home!"

"I know, I know," I said, kneeling so I was at his level. "I'm Bella. What's your name?"

"Dominick." He sniffed, looking up at me.

"Okay, well, Dominick, I have an important job for you, okay?" I said, and he nodded. "I want you to hang onto me, and hold onto your stick. Don't let go of that stick, got it? And if you see anyone coming, tell me. If they come up to us, run."

When I was finished, I stood back up, and he grabbed a hold of my left hand while he held onto his spear. With my spear in my right hand, I stared walking down another hallway, avoiding the bloody scene.

"So, what's your favorite color?" I asked Dominick, trying to get his mind of the situation.

"Green." He said.

"Really? Blue is my favorite." I said, smiling at him. He gave a little laugh.

"I hate puwple." He said, and I laughed at how he pronounced the word.

"Yea, I hate purple too. Anything but purple works."

"I'm eight! How old are you? 273?" he asked me, and I had to stifle my laughter.

"Not quite."

I stopped as I heard footsteps moving toward us. They were at a running pace, in a hurry. I quickly pulled on Dominick's hand, pulling him behind me, as I slowly made my way forwards. The footsteps grew louder, closer...until the boy with black hair shot out from the darkness, running towards, prepared to kill.

"Run, run, _RUN!"_ I screamed at Dominick.

Dominick ran to the staircase and hid underneath. The black-haired boy ran at me, and I ducked as he swung his spear at me. I quickly recovered, spinning around and making a run for it. I ran a few feet before I spun back around and blocked a blow to my chest, his spear pressing into mine. He pressed harder, and my muscles strained with the effort no to collapse. I felt searing pain across my forearms, and looked down to see the movement tugging at the scabs on my arms, re-opening the wounds. I hissed in pain.

My lungs were already taking their fair-share of beatings, the thick tar making it hard to breathe. What had I done to myself? Was a five minute high, and the angry slice of a razorblade worth it? Ask me four weeks ago, and my answer would have been "Fuck yes."

Now, as I'm fighting for my life with these difficulties, I wished I could take it all back.

"Fight BACK!" the boy, who I remember was named Brandon, yelled. He pulled away making a stab at me, which I dodged. "Fight back, fight back, FIGHT BACK!"

"No." I muttered through clenched teeth as I continued to dodge and block his attacks. But I never lunged.

"Kill me, then! Either kill me, or—or—"

"You don't want to kill unless they are attacking you." I muttered. I watched as a few tears slid down his face.

"I need this. I love her! My brothers don't understand. They—DON'T!" he screamed, thrusting his spear right towards me. I couldn't dodge it, and I had no time to successfully block it. I only had one option.

I screamed out in horror as I raise my spear and stabbed the boy right through the chest.

My entire body froze, and my eyes widened as I saw his limp body hit the ground. The blood was too much—it poured from him and spilled across the stone floor like a coat of crimson paint. I was trembling as I stared in horror at what I had done.

Dominick's cries brought me out of my trance. Trying to avoid looking at the scene, I grabbed a hold of the boy's fallen spear and ran to Dominick.

**Alice's POV:**

"He's not here." I said as we exited the terminal.

"What an idiot. If he would have just stayed on the fucking plane he would already be here. What a selfish Jackass." Rosalie sneered.

"Rosalie." Esme said, giving her a stern look.

"Come on. Whether he's here or not, we have to get to that castle." I said, leading the way out of the airport.

-

"What's the plan?" Emmett whispered as we approached the castle. I stopped, and my eyes glazed over as I searched the future. Everything on the inside of the castle was still fuzzy, all except Bella's death. But then I focused on our future, and could see a small break in the chaotic blur.

"There's two guys guarding the main doors," I said, coming out of the vision. "But the tunnels are empty. One of those entrances are bound to get to her sooner. You guys take the tunnels, and I'll get past the guards."

"No, Alice, you aren't going alone." Jasper said. I rolled my eyes. My sweet, caring—over protective _fool _of a husband.

"Jasper, I'll be fine. Don't even think about trying to talk me out of it. Psychic, remember?" I said, tapping my head with my index finger. He sighed, giving in.

"Okay, let's—"

"WAIT!" Emmett yelled, cutting me off. "We need a team name!"

"Emmett, now's not the time…" Carlisle said, giving him a stern look. Rosalie's hand twitched, and she was debating on whether or not to slap him.

"Okay, Team-Bella-1-2-3-GO!" I said so quickly they barely caught it. They all took off towards the alleyway, while I headed towards the obscured, huge doors. As I approached, the two guards tensed, already preparing for a fight. The one on the right was shorter, but still taller than I, with blond, shaggy hair. He had a sleek look about him, like he was skillful—or a smartass. I couldn't tell which. The other was slightly bigger with short, black hair.

"Hello, I'm here to see Aro." I said sweetly, my doe's eyes widening in innocence.

"No one is seeing the Master at this time." The bigger one said.

"But this is important." I said sternly, dropping my innocent act.

"How important?" the short one sneered. Definitely a smartass.

"Well, I guess if Aro isn't interested in my power, then—" I said, turning away slowly.

"Wait," the big one said, stopping me. The short one rolled his eyes. "What kind of power?"

"Oh, just, you know—end of the world, doomsday, tear you all to pieces—the usual."

They stared at me blankly.

"Name?" he finally asked.

"Alice Brandon." I answered.

"Okay—"

"Wait, wait, wait," the shorter one said, eyeing me suspiciously. I was about to go into a vision to see what he was going to say, but it was too late. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere—you're a _Cullen."_

Suddenly, the big one pinned my arms behind my back. I struggled with the effort t break free from his stone grasp, but it was inevitable.

"What should we do with her?" he asked slyly.

"Well, Master _was_ interested in her power, but as a judge of the situation, I say she's a threat to our _fine_ establishment." The short one said, stalking closer.

My eyes widened as a quick glimpse of my death played through my mind. This was it. This was the end. I only hoped Jazz would get out before he was hurt. I hoped that I would get to see Bella in the afterlife, if they didn't make it. Of course, I did hope they would make in time, and I hoped Edward and Bella would be reunited once again. They were the perfect couple.

He placed his hands on either side of my head, grinning. I knew this was the end for me, because the others were long gone, in the tunnels.

Quick as a striking snake, a white hand reached out of the darkness and ripped the guard's head off. The one holding me looked around frantically, bewildered, and my lips pulled back into a grin.

Edward had arrived.

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	21. Black Failure

Chapter 19: Black Failure

Previously:

_He placed his hands on either side of my head, grinning. I knew this was the end for me, because the others were long gone, in the tunnels._

_Quick as a striking snake, a white hand reached out of the darkness and ripped the guard's head off. The one holding me looked around frantically, bewildered, and my lips pulled back into a grin. Edward had arrived._

Now….

"Geez, Alice, lighten up on the death speech, will you?" Edward said as he grabbed a hold of the guard's arm and twisting it backwards, releasing me from my prison. We quickly tore apart the guard into pieces and started burning them.

"I thought I was done for. Since someone _jumped out of the plane,_ I had no clue when they were going to get here, since their future is changing." I said, walking through the doors and into the giant castle. We walked into a reception-looking room, and there was a desk sitting off to the side while chairs lined the room. A far-too-cheerful-looking human sat behind the desk.

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked.

"No," Edward answered casually, walking past the desk. The lady held up her hand, trying to stop us, but we were already gone. We broke into a run. I let him guide us while I searched the future. The castle was huge, and as soon as we turned the corner, I smelt it.

The smell of freshly spilt blood hit me like a truck, stinging my nose and sending my throat into a frenzy of a wildfire. Ignoring the smell, I pressed on, although the monster in the back of my mind raged.

_Come on, just one little taste! It's already been spilt, just finish the job!_

I closed my eyes in concentration, ridding the monster. I continued to focus on Bella…

OH!

Her future is shifting! But, it's....

"EDWARD! HER FUTURE! IT'S _SPED UP! WE CAN'T MAKE IT!"_ I screamed as I pushed myself harder, willing myself to speed up. But even vampires had their limits. And that was what was going to cost Bella her life.

"I'll change her if I have to." He said, forcing himself to go faster.

"You can't change her if she doesn't have a heart."

**Sorry...falling...asleep...**


	22. My Black Dahlia

Chapter 20: My Black Dahlia

It's really cool if you listen to "My Black Dahlia" by Hollywood Undead while reading this.

**Edward's POV:**

I knew I was too late. But, no matter how much I knew that that fact was true, I couldn't seem to tell my mind to stop. I couldn't seem to tell my body to turn around. I couldn't seem accept that it was.

But, most of all, I couldn't seem to give up that shred of _hope_.

I couldn't seem to give up hope that when I got there, she would be well, just waiting for me to take her back. I couldn't seem to give up that hope that I would have her in my arms again, her soft, warm body pressed against mine. I couldn't seem to give up that hope that she would actually want me, and forgive me for my mistakes. I just couldn't give up that hope that Alice and Bella would jump out from a wall and yell "Just kidding!"

I couldn't give up _Bella._

**Bella's POV:**

"I want to go home!" Dominick sobbed.

"I know..." I said. My breathing was coming in gasps from the cold. I didn't want to tell him that it was okay, because it wasn't. I didn't want to tell him that we were fine, because we weren't. I didn't want to tell him that we would make it, because I knew we wouldn't.

Somehow, it had grown darker in the castle. I had assumed that it was because it was past dusk outside, and nightfall had come up quickly. The castle had very little lighting, but the few white-lights that dotted the walls reflected off of the water on the stone floor. I had no clue why there was water on the floor, but it reminded me of those pictures you saw of cobble roads while the water surrounded it after a new rain. The chill that seemed to drift through the castle increased as nightfall came, and I shuddered at the tiny notion that if I didn't win this, the blood thirsty vampire following me in the shadows would finish me off before I did so much as scream.

Yea, it was intense.

Dominick's sobbing turned to quieter snuffles, like he was holding them in. My mind idly drifted to Edward and the Cullens. Did they know where I was? Could Alice see me...see _this?_ Were they on their way?

Did I _want_ them to be on their way?

I knew I loved them. They were all I had, really. I knew that these vampires—the Volturi—were dangerous. Edward had told me that much, once. They killed other vampires. They would kill Edward if he fought them. I didn't want Edward to die...

Even after all he's done to me, I didn't want him _hurt._ The thought of him hurt...that would kill me.

I turned the corner as I held onto Dominick and my spear, following the trail of water. I didn't really have a clue why I was following the still water, but as I wandered around in this dark castle aimlessly, I just wanted a goal. As much as I knew I wouldn't make it out of this alive, and as much as I knew I was defenselessly awaiting my death, I wanted to have a _goal._ I didn't want to be wandering around the castle helplessly, just waiting to be picked off. I wanted to reach something.

That was when I heard the loud sloshing, splashes, like someone dragging their feet through the puddles, yet running, from the east of us.

All at once, my adrenaline spiked, and I was sent into the choosing of flight or fight mode. I chose flight as I grabbed a hold of Dominick and started running down the hallway, away from the person. Yet, we were still following the trail of water.

We ran to the end of the hallway, when we emerged into a huge, cavernous room, with a huge fountain on the wall across from us. The fountain was grand and there were many statues in the middle, against the wall, and the water was still, but it was over-flowing from the fountain. The footsteps grew closer, and I made a snap decision. "Come on." I whispered to Dominick, carefully running across the room to the fountain. We quickly jumped into fountain, making our way towards the statues.

"Hide here." I said through my tears as I hid Dominick in the crook of a statue. I stood in front of him and ducked down behind another, and listened as the footsteps grew closer, and they were slowing. I heard the light splashing as they entered the giant room. I heard Dominick's snuffling cries as everything around us grew silent.

"Shh..." I whispered as quietly as I could. He put his hand over his mouth, and silenced his cries. The silence fell upon us and seemed to coat everything occupying the castle. The darkness was still, and I was blind as to where the man was as my fingers clutched to the cold, marble statue. The silence dragged on, not a even the tiniest sound was heard. I wondered if the man had kept walking or if he had disappeared completely, into thin air. The silence was beginning to bug me. Dominick whimpered.

"Shh, we're oka—"

Suddenly, a huge hand shot out and grabbed a hold of my wrist, yanking me away from the statue. I screamed out as I looked up at the huge man holding a spear, and every plane of his face set in stone-hard determination.

I tried yanking my hand out of his grip, but he was too strong—he was huge. I brought my spear up and hit him in the side of the head with my stick, and he released me. I staggered backwards, nearing falling over. "Shit." I cussed as my spear flew from my grasp and skidded across the floor.

I didn't have enough time to reach it. The man came for me again, raising his spear above his head, like he was going to swing it like a baseball bat. He swung, and right before it connected with my head, I ducked, falling to the ground. I quickly grabbed a hold of one of his legs and pulled. And used my foot to kick his other one, causing him to fall to the stone floor. I quickly scrambled through the puddles as I reached for my spear and took it, and jumped over the ledge and back into the fountain.

By the time I had reached it, he was already up again, moving towards me. But no, that wasn't all—there was another one coming at me, the blond boy who was Brandon's brother.

I knew I was going to die as they both headed straight for me, fear as evident on their faces as the anger and determination. Tears streaked my face as I watched silently. All my thoughts and hopes of Edward saving me were gone. I knew that this was it, that I was going to die. Edward hadn't made it. Did I even know if he was coming? No, I didn't.

But I had hoped.

I wasn't sure if I was left disappointed. I had wanted Edward to come, but he didn't owe it to me, and I sure as hell didn't him to die trying. I had begged for death so many times in the past couple of months....so why should this be any different? And as the instruments of death came closer, prepared for the kill, I knew this was the end. I was going to die. And guess what?

I have never been so scared of anything in my entire life.

The larger man reached me before the boy did, and raised his spear, aiming for my chest. I sucked in a deep breath and clenched my teeth together as he lunged forward, his spear inches from me—when suddenly, a pale white hand shot out and grabbed a hold of it and snatched it from him. I fell into the water of the fountain as I watched as the person grabbed a hold of the man's neck and snapped it in one quick movement.

I watched as Edward killed the man that was going to kill me.

And as the other boy came closer, never stopping, lunging for me, I watched the horror in Edward's eyes as he was too late. I watched his face as the boy stabbed me in my chest, straight through my heart.

**WILL SHE LIVE?!? I don't know….maybe if I get a lot of reviews it will put me in a life-sparing mood…**


	23. Never Afraid

Chapter 21: Never Afraid

No lyrics, but listen to "Beauty From Pain" by Superchick while reading :)

**Edward's POV:**

The man's lifeless, limp body slipped through my hands and fell to the ground. The Volturi's thoughts echoed around me.

_That's cheating!_

_Disqualification!_

That was when I heard a yell. My head snapped up and I stared into the horrified eyes of Bella, and watched as the boy came closer to her, about to kill her. More thoughts hit me like a train.

_This is going to be good..._

I started for her, but it was too late.

"_NO!_ _BELLA!"_ I screamed as the boy stabbed her straight into her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and her mouth dropped as her head rose to ceiling, a strangled cry emitting itself from her lips. I watched in horror as the boy twisted the stick, and her face scrunched in deeper pain. I watched in horror as her blood poured from her body, swirling around her and tainting the fountain like a slow black and red cloud.

I watched as Bella panted, her life slowly draining from her body.

I grabbed a hold of the boy, and in one quick movement of my hands, snapped his neck. I threw his limp body to the ground and jumped over the side of the fountain, taking Bella's face in my hands.

"No, Bella, please, please, stay with me. Oh Bella, no!" I cried as I held onto her. Her eyelids fluttered as she tried to speak. "Bella, stay with me." I cried. That was when I heard the footsteps coming, and in less than a second I was surrounded by 6 of the Volturi guard. They hissed as they came closer, preparing for attack. My teeth clenched, but I didn't remove my attention from Bella. Because help was on its way.

Just then, my family burst into the room, taking defensive positions in front of me and Bella.

"Bella," I spoke to her. "I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you."

Her eyelids drooped, fluttering. "Edward...I—I love you." She whispered brokenly. Her words sent painful shudders down my back, and I let out a sob.

"Bella, I know, I know..." I whispered.

"Oh, look, Edward....it's bright. Why is it bright, Edward?" she said, staring off into space.

"Don't be afraid, Bella." I said, stroking her cheek.

"Will you stay with me?" she whispered.

"Always." I said, squeezing her hand.

"Then I won't be afraid." She said, gasping for air. I cried dry tears as I held her in my arms. Her eyes fluttered close, and she was lifeless in my hands.

I stared at her peaceful face in silent pain. The Volturi surrounded us, silently waiting. Bella's body grew pale, too pale. Her blood pooled around us, diluted from the water. At one time, I had wanted nothing more than to see her blood. Now, it makes me sick. My body shook as I laid her on the side of the stone fountain.

In one fluid movement, I spun around and attacked the nearest Volturi guard. His huge form fell to the ground as I pinned him down, prepared for the kill. All of my human instincts were wiped clean as the pain directed me, and I was sent into an animalistic frenzy. I wanted to see their ashes burned. I wanted to cause them worse pain than what they caused Bella. I wanted to torture them.

But before I could do so much as sink my teeth into his flesh, I fell to the ground, writhing in silent agony. But strangely enough, it wasn't a huge change from what I was already feeling. My mind exploded in the pain, but it was merely giving what I already felt a physical form.

When the pain finally stopped, one of the Volturi grabbed a hold of me and threw me across the room, and the marble wall shattered as my stone body collided with it. I fell to the floor amongst the dust and debris from the wall. I couldn't seem to move. I couldn't seem to tell myself to get up and fight back. I was left on the floor, unmoving as I drowned in my feelings. Carlisle was now speaking with the Volturi, but I couldn't seem to figure out what they were saying. I couldn't process anything that was going on around me as I lay there, on the stone cold ground, beside the body of the one I loved.

I barely felt it as Emmett and Jasper lifted me into a standing position, and started leading me out of the castle. I barely felt it as the cold hit me as we exited through the giant doors. I barely felt it as everyone squeezed my hand or patted my back. I barely felt it as Alice attacked me and sobbed into my chest. I barely felt it as we boarded the plane back home. I barely felt anything at all.

All I felt was the loss.

This world has never felt so empty.

This world has never felt so alone.

My black dahlia was gone.

**IT IS NOT OVER!!**


	24. The EndThe Beginning

Chapter 22: The End...The Beginning

**Edward's POV:**

T_

TH_

THR_

THRE_

THREE_

THREE D_

THREE DA_

THREE DAY_

THREE DAYS._

When you love someone, you cherish them. You hold them tight, and you never let them go. When you love someone, you tell them. You express your love, and let them know. When you love someone....you don't _break_ them.

You don't destroy them.

You don't lie to them.

You don't leave them.

You don't kill them.

I had loved her, and I had destroyed her. I had wanted to protect her, and because of my idiotic move, I screwed everything up. If I hadn't lied to her, we would never have been here in the first place. And then I hadn't protected her in time, and now, she's dead. Bella was no longer existing....she was gone. No matter how many times I repeated those words in mind, I couldn't seem to accept it. I just couldn't believe it.

She's dead.

It's the feeling that someone who once existed and was now gone, that destroyed your soul. The notion that I would never see her again, speak to her, kiss her...hold her, that tortured me. I couldn't imagine the world without her. But yet, this was it. I was living it.

And as I sat in this bedroom, empty, nothing but a shell for three days, I just grew colder.

I know I'm alive, but I feel like I've died, and all that's left is to accept that it's over.

My last candle had blown out. I was once again walking through the darkness in a lonely world. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't continue to walk this earth with my reason for living gone. I reluctantly stood up, and looked around the trashed room. Everything was in the garbage cans...CD's, books, pictures, everything.

I slowly staggered towards the mirror opposite of the room. I looked into it and stared at my pitch-black eyes, the dark circles etched underneath almost permanent. My face had a paler look about it, and my hair was un-kept. I looked terrible…but I really didn't care. I looked down at the dresser under the mirror, and picked up a small ring. It was my mother's wedding ring. It was the ring I was going to give Bella.

Anger overtook me in a wave as I clenched my fist together and set down the ring, and looked back up into the mirror.

Shock coursed through my body and I took a step back as I saw Bella in the mirror. Her reflection was haunting me. But yet, it was different. She was paler, and her chocolate brown eyes were gone, replaced with red. Her features were more angular, and her brown, mahogany hair flowed down her shoulders. She looked like an exact reprint of Alice's vision. Yet, she was dead.

Angrily, I raised my hand, aiming to smash the mirror into a million pieces. I swung, but just before my hand could make contact, two things happened. Bella's reflection turned to horrified, and the door burst open, Alice running in.

"EDWARD DON'T!" she screamed, her mind running a million miles a minute as she grabbed a hold of my wrist.

"What, Alice!" I hissed, narrowing my eyes at her. What did she care if I broke a mirror?!

"You can't break that mirror." She said, panting, even thought she didn't need the air. I looked into her mind, but her mind was still running a million miles a minute and I couldn't keep up.

"It's just a mirror." I hissed, and looked back at Bella's reflection, which still hadn't left. I couldn't believe I was starting to see things. My eyes dropped to the floor as I felt a new wave of pain hit me.

"Edward, look." she said, taking my face and moving it to look at the mirror, where Bella's reflection was. The reflection stared back at me intensely. Her crimson eyes widened and softened. I remember when she use to give me that look...when she was alive.

"Leave me alone, Alice." I muttered, ripping away from her as I started for the door, with no intention of ever returning.

"I can see her."

I froze in my tracks at Alice's words, my hand on the door.

"I can see her in my visions." She repeated, and I turned around to face her. "She's a vampire." She said quietly. I stared at her for a while, before my eyes flashed to the mirror. Alice's next words were what sent my mind into a chaotic frenzy of right or wrong, happiness or agony, madness and calm.

"She's trapped in the mirror."

**The End.**

**The sequel is going to be called "Paradise Lost"**

**Dominick will show up later...**


	25. Sequel

Sequel is up!

**Summary**

Sequel to My Black Dahlia. Bella has been broken, hurt, pained, lied to....but now, she's trapped. A combination of drugs, a faint heart, and a transformation gone wrong, she is a different kind of vampire—the kind that still lives, breathes, and can be hurt. As a result of her transformation being corrupted by an unknown source, Bella's powers were catapulted into chaos—trapping her in the thin world between mirrors. In an attempt to set her free, Edward and the Cullens travel to the ends of the earth searching for what put her there—A power so great it can kill anything, a killer feared by even the Volturi, a monster that takes what he wants at all costs....what everyone thought was a myth.

Until now.

.

P_

PA_

PAR_

PARA_

PARAD_

PARADI_

PARADIS_

PARADISE_

PARADISE L_

PARADISE LO_

PARADISE LOS_

PARADISE LOST._


	26. I'm back

Hey Fanfiction…..I'm back. I know it's been a year since I've written but you wouldn't believe what I've been through. I'm going to start writing everything again…but first, I owe it to myself, and you guys to write this one story and finish it before I continue any of my other stories. If you have ever liked any of my stories, please I beg you show me the respect to read this story. It's about me and what I've been through. It would mean the world to me.

Please Don't Hurt Me by: Jennifer Lynn Henderson. "Jen"

I was gonna start this off "I never meant to fall in love", but really, the truth is I meant to, but never thought I actually would.

And no, I don't mean the middle school teeny bopper "OHHH I LOOOVEE YOUUU" boyfriend girlfriend love, I mean the serious commitment, the bond of being in love. Something none of the books, none of the movies or plays or shows or stories have ever done justice.

Fuck I've doused myself up with drugs, hurt myself over and over, physically abused myself and other people… I've tried everything I can to forget this love. This love is so strong it shakes me, it tortures me, it won't ever let me forget, no matter how hard I try or what I do. This is a type of love you won't find everywhere, something that will never leave you. It was the best thing of my life to feel it. Now it's become the worst thing I'm trying to forget. It haunts me. Because of this I will never be the same, never walk through the world with the same head on my shoulders, I will never have hope of finding another.

This is my fucking story…what I've been through this past year, and what I'm trying to face to this day. It may not end well.


End file.
